I honestly haven't felt this bad since well I guessed the first time was when my parents kicked me for being gay but then also when all my friends at schools wanted nothing to do with me either because I am the way I am. I went from being a popular girl to being the one who gets bullied, it wasn't a good feeling. I was so down that actually tried to end my life, I'm glad the attempt didn't work because if it did I wouldn't have graduated high school and got accepted into uconn. I work my ass to pay for college but it's worth it, it got me out my my small shitty town where people are so small minded and into a place where I've met my best friends.
There has been one other time that I've felt like that and that's when I found out my girlfriend of like 2 and a half years was cheating on me the whole time with a guy from the football team, that relationship literally ended like a year ago and for the first couple of months after I was bad again, Ice was super worried about me and was scared I would try something but I promised myself I would never try that again no matter how low I got. As I'm laying in bed watching Bones absentmindedly trying to figure out what has even got me back to this state I hear my phone ping like I got a message, I haven't really been replying to anyone but I do look at their messages. I grab my phone to see an unknown number but then I see the message and I see that's it's Kate, how did she get my number? I click on the message and create a contact for her so I know it's her before replying.
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Hey sunshine, Ice gave me your number I hope that's okay.
That's fine. Why did you want my number?
Because I'm worried about you. You haven't answered me on insta for awhile and I'm worried after our last conversation. And I know the girls are worried about you. I wasn't kidding about coming out to you if you're this bad.
Please don't Kate. I'm fine.
I know you're not. You haven't hung out with the girls in awhile. I'm here for you sunshine, you know that but I don't want you to be sad.
Honestly Kate.
I don't know. But thank you 💕
Anytime 💕 Seen 5.17pm
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I honestly need to figure out what has triggered this relapse of depression I guess I can call it, but I honestly don't know what it is anymore I've racked my brain and there's been nothing. Kate's message really told me I need to sort it out but the only way I can is if I can just basically fake it all and just put on a smile which I'm honestly thinking about doing just to get everyone off my back, I love them all with my whole heart but I just want everyone off my back. The next time they ask to hang out with them no matter how I'm feeling.
