Monster (Finnick Odair x Reader)

You're Not Used To Love... Are You?

**ARIA'S POV**

I was frozen.

"What." I whispered. 

"Aria from the moment I saw you win your first games, I knew I loved you. The Quarter Quell was perfect to get closer to you. We allied, you saved my life, we had a connection. We have a connection." Finnick grabbed both of my hands and turned to me. "Don't you see it? I love you Aria Triank."

The elevator door opened and I hesitated, then bolting out the door and down a random combination of halls. 

I don't know where I ended up, I just needed to be alone.

I ran into an empty room and shut the door, breathing heavily.

I collapsed against the door and curled into a ball. 

Finnick loved me.

Finnick. Loved... me?

How could anyone love me?

I was a monster. I am a monster.

Tears welled in my eyes and for once, I let them fall. I sobbed quietly, my face resting in my hands.

"Momma.." I whispered. "Momma I really wish you were here... I need you right now."

Nothing.

"Momma Finnick just told me he loved me." I hadn't talked to my mom like this in years, "I don't know what to do or say. I don't know if I love him back. I don't remember what love feels like."

Silence.

I cried harder. 

For once in my life, the silence was too much. 

I tried anything to get it to go away. 

I threw chairs, broke glasses that were in the room. I screamed and yelled but nothing worked. 

The silence surrounded me like a heavy fog, wisps of it flowed over and through me, plaguing me with more tears and more terrible thoughts.

"Please Momma." I whispered hoarsely.

Then there was a knock at the door. Broken silence.

Katniss entered, "Aria?" She whispered. She came into the room, seeing the disheveled mess, broken glass and turned over chairs, then she saw me. She opened her arms and I ran into them. Sure, I was older than Katniss but her hug reminded me of my mothers. "What happened?" She asked.

I hiccuped, "Finnick told me he- he loved me." I pulled away, wiping my nose and eyes. 

Her eyes soften, "You're not used to love, are you?"

I shook my head, "I can't remember it."

"Well... how does he make you feel?"

"What?"

"How does he make you feel?" She repeated.

I hesitated, pausing and thinking about Finnick. How I feel when he holds my hands, or comforts me after a nightmare. "Warm.." I whispered, "Like I wanna smile all the time."

She smiled, "That's a good start. What about... has he ever kissed you?"

"Only my knuckles and cheek.." 

"And how did you feel during that?"

I paused again, "Warm again... I mean.. it was always a heat of the moment thing and I acted like I didn't like it but.." I trailed off.

Her smile widened, "Then what are you so afraid of? It's clear you feel the same."

I shook my head, "What if I screw up? I'm a psycho, what if I hurt him?"

"If he truly love you, nothing you can do will hurt him."

I sighed and nodded, hugging her again. "Thank you Katniss. Really."

She nodded, "By the way.. I don't think your a psycho.." She headed for the door, "Just misunderstood." She left, shutting the door quietly behind her.

I stood in the center of the room, the silence no longer scary.

I paused, then rushed out of the room, looking for Finnick.

I ran down the halls, searching for him. 

When I found him in the cafeteria, he was kissing some red headed girl.

He looked over at me and his eyes widened, "Aria-" 

Tears slipped down my cheeks once again, "Don't." I raised a hand and ran back out of the cafeteria, going to my room slamming the door shut, climbing onto the bed.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" I cried to myself. I laid on my side, curling under the blankets and sobbing hard. "Stupid idiot. I was right all along... who would ever love a monster like me?"