The anchor of love||| Johanna Mason

2 years later

I had been living the same story for 2 years, reaping, scheduled appearances, victory tour, repeat. For 2 years my life has revolved around the games wholly, not in the passive way they were before, i have learnt so much more than I ever wanted to learn. 

So much more. 

That praise I so ever wanted, came in multitudes, I killed 7 people for praise, and the thought still kills me that I did it. Wanted to do it, committed to hunting down tributes. Yet what is worse is that I did not even get to keep my scars, "A victor must be perfection" the doctor had told me, "all marks and blemishes cleared from the skin" I hated it, hated every part of my new body, even 2 years later this new desirable body was detestable to me, yet ever so desirable to the citizens of the capital, not that it has been touched by them, or anyone since my games. I can't stand the thought of being touched, even in passing, I avoid public settings at home whenever I can, and I avoid my house whenever I can, the house the capital gave me in Victor village, I hate it. They changed the decoration especially for me, making it the same eerie shade of yellow that haunts me every day. I often visit Finnick in 4 every weekend, speculations about us dating are often there, yet they are just untrue, completely. I have no interest in him like that, and nothing in me. It is a comforting friendship, neither of us fancying the other, and no room for such to even occur. He is my saving grave when it comes to my life, I never befriended the other victors, never had time to in truth, not in the way that I couldn't, yet I've been told that my games made me unapproachable, even though I was such before my games even began, I know the truth, aside from the few people I've let in, that being Finick and Mags and them only, I may seem hard of exterior, mean even.

***
it's not oftern I find myself engaged in the readings, yet I knew this person would get far, there was something in her eyes that screamed it, loudly.

loud enough that her cries did not over the sheer determination in her eyes, she was going to use my tactic, look weak and vulnerable, yet she's doing it better. starting from the very start.

the 18 year old was sobbing on the stage, yet I knew the truth, or at least I thought I did, she wasn't what she seemed, at least I thought she wasn't.

I would make a bet that she won, that look just convinced me further.

although her score was shockingly low, she aced the intivew, looking every bit mean as possible, her mentor did not like me approaching him, trying to give him tips to better make her performance more convincing, in fact I was simply told to fuck off, yet my suspicions were confirmed, i now knew for sure it was an act.

this girl, this girl who was 1 year younger than finnick and I, she needed to win. it wasn't oftern that I wanted tributes to win aside from my own, but right now all I could see was that she had to. there was just something about her that captivated me.

so maybe I broke thr rules a little bit, talked her up to the sponseres a little bit, doing her mentor, Blight I think he's called, job.

I wasn't caught and I would happily do it again. only for the look on their faces when she snapped and showed her true violent colours. I felt luke a capitial citizen, captivated by the violence, cheering on my favourite to win. I hated it, yet I couldn't stop.

johanna Mason won, as I knew she would. as I told people to bet that she would.

now all I needed to do was find a way to talk to her.