The anchor of love||| Johanna Mason

She said No

Once we were all gathered on floor 12, Haymitch, James, Gloss, Cashmere Finnick and Me, we started conversing like normal people do, making it look like there isn't some big meeting going on,

"She said no." Haymitch finally said the words rang like a knell to our ears. Silence hung heavy in the room. We all the consequences of these actions.

After all, Haymitch and I were living embodiments of that consequence, no family alive, and our district punished. No freedom.

Finnick looked pleased. Another person had speared his fate, and after all, he may have said yes, but his mistakes still left him an orphan, his family dead. There was no way to win.

James said yes, although his desirability has since reduced in the 20-odd years since his games, Cashmere and Gloss both said yes.

But she said no. Johanna Mason said no. That surprises me. After all, she was ever so keen not to piss off the old President Snow at the ball just last night. Gods last night might have been her last day of actual happiness. Now, not only would the death of those she killed weigh on her shoulders, but also the death of her family.

We should have warned her.

We all knew what this meant.

The bright light was blinding my eyes, my heart was beating far too quickly. It was silent, too silent, the lack of sound was eerie. Too much. Too much.

Getting to the balcony was like waking up. It felt like it took ages, but probably no time at all. Everything is moving in slow motion.

I stood on the balcony, for I didn't know how long, the wind rising against my sides, blowing my brown hair in waves across my face, reminding me.

Reminding me in here, I'm alive. That the yellow of the hotel room isn't the yellow of the games. I'm safe, I'm out. I'm safe.

I felt more than heard the presence of another join me, the soft footsteps of Fin's feet felt welcomed by me, I knew him well enough but now. "I needed some fresh air, Fin I'm fine," I stated it as a fact, not the truth we both knew hid behind it.

"Yet you always say that when you're not fine remember."

"Yes, I know. Yet you're always here to notice." I replied, tine softening, almost at a whisper now.

For a moment, a brief beautiful moment we both simply stood there, enjoying the comforting presence of each other's company. "You do not have to carry the weight of it alone you know? I understand it. You know I do," he reached out, slowly extending his hand towards mine, a soft comforting gesture that I allow him and him only the allowance to do.

He is the only person I allow to casually touch me at all. As much as I want that to change, I know my mind just won't let anybody else in.

"It is almost pretty isn't it," he says, voice low, hands interconnected, eyes locked on the skyline in front of us.

"No, no it's grotesque Finnick." I much preferred the infostructure back home, cramped as it was in town, as you got further out the vast fields were beautiful, the animals made noise that meant I was home, you get used to the smell.

"I know, but on nights like last night, it was almost peaceful, quiet. I could almost pretend I was home, listening to the beach and the waves not the chattering of countless people" We both knew the depth of what he was saying. I knew he missed being in 4, he rarely got to live there these days, and too many people desire him for Snow to give him time off.

"I suppose so, I understand what you're saying, but I'd rather be in 4 or 10 any day." I don't know how it happened, yet 4 became a home for me, it started as small visits, trying to regain some sense of sanity, then Mags became a grandmotherly figure for me, Annie became like a sister and Finnick a brother. A broken little makeshift family, bonded through shared trauma and hatred of Snow.

I'm not fine, none of us are, and that's okay. To some degree, we lived to tell each other stories of our lives, lived to share memories and horror stories. We lived, and that's okay. Yet another life had been destroyed, a family killed, all for a larger game I knew not what was called.

All I wanted to do was see her, see how she was doing, being one of the few victors in her place, I understood the guilt of killing our family. It may not have bothered me, but I'm sure as shit it bothered Johanna, she spoke truthfully, fondly in her interviews about her mother and brother, and I knew she loved them. Now they're dead. Dead as a doornail.

"I'm going to 7," I state matter-of-factly, as I renter the room.

"The wind scramble your brains princess" James calls out enthusiastically, spilling part of his drink.

"it's 11 am and you reek of booze you could probably start a fire with how much is in your system, I don't think I'm the one with scrambled brains, dear" I reply, just as short as I always am with him. How people find him charming I'll never know. Most victors like him, I don't. I despise him in truth. And I think I always will. Even after my games I never got on with him, he's always in 12 or has Haymitch over at his house, doing gods knows what. I don't want to know in truth what they get up to, but the fond looks shared between them are an indication, is most likely sappy and loved up.

So I did what I had to do, got on the next train to district 7 and knocked on her door at Victor villiage.

what's a  girl to do?