Fortnight

I Love You, It's Ruining My Life

What just happened. Did I seriously just tell Mark that I'm in LOVE with him? Holy shit. I did not expect that to happen today. I mean sure, I have been thinking about it, confessing my love for him but I didn't expect that to happen.. and I wish I would've planned it out a little more. I mean come on,  saying he's like a disease and how i'm infected by him? Yeah, that's crazy. Oh and the fact that he has a very serious girlfriend. Oh crap, he has a VERY serious girlfriend! They live together for godsake!! This is so embarrassing, he's over me, he's BEEN over me, I broke it off with him! Not the other way around!
Thoughts swirl around my brain at a million miles a second as I process what just happened. Mark seems to be doing the same thing, he's just staring. I think he's about to open his mouth when a familiar voice calls out to him. Well shit. Of course, with my luck, Julia walks out of the hospital.
    "I thought that you said the lobby.." She starts then notices me. "Oh hi lexie!" She puts on a smile, which makes me want to punch her in the face. I know I shouldn't say that, she seems sweet and all, but when someone else is dating the love of your life you kinda have to hate them. I smile at her, to be polite, but on the inside i'm screaming, crying, yelling, throwing up, killing myself. Bad times for your girl.
  I stand there for a second in awe, still so surprised with myself, before quickly excusing myself and heading to my car. As soon as the door closes I break down. I cry and cry for what feels like hours, until i have no more left. I just feel numb. I finally start up my car and drive home, eyes still red and puffy. As soon as I get back to Mers I head straight for the fridge and grab a bottle of beer, then head back to my room and drink my sorrows away.
   It's weird, I've never done that before. Drinking feels nice. Maybe I should do it more often. I think to myself.
As soon as I thought about it, I realized that's probably what my dad thought too, and well- that didn't end well. I'm so disgusted that I even thought that that I throw the empty bottle onto the ground, smashing it into pieces. I start crying again, who knows why, but eventually I fall asleep.

The sky is blue, the green mesh of colour is getting larger and more detailed. I smell burning. I feel like I'm.. falling? I can't move, I'm on the ground, I hear screaming. Screaming my name. I try to look around, but i'm stuck. Paralyzed. The bright blue sky is turning grey. No, it's getting darker. I don't know what's happening. It's almost as if it's.. fading away. Like i'm fading away. The darkness has almost consumed me when..

My alarm is blaring. I groan and shut it off. I don't wanna get up. I don't wanna face Mark- I don't wanna face LIFE. I contemplate calling in sick before I realize that I'm assisting in a conjoined twins surgery later today in Boise! Now that's not something you get to see everyday. I throw the covers off of me and head to the bathroom to get ready. I look myself in the mirror and instantly grown. My eyes are still red and puffy from crying all night, my hair is stuck up in weird places, my nose is red, really I look like I died then came back to life! I take a second and decide what to tackle first. Definitely the hair. I load my hair with detangler and brush out this awful mess. finally, it looks presentable. I then cover my under eye and my lid with concealer, hoping to hide the red. It doesn't completely cover it up, but oh well it has to work. I finish my makeup with a little bit of blush, so my red nose doesnt look out of place. I don't have the energy to put on mascara or anything, so i just curl my lashes and call it a day. My main goal of the day is to avoid Mark.

Mark

I walk with Derek into the elevator, telling him about what Lexie said to me last night. Did she really say that? I was too stunned at the time to even form any words. And then of course Julia came. Derek never really liked Julia because he's like Lexies big brother and thinks we "belong together" and all of that married and in love crap. 
He's been rooting for us this entire time- well- that's after he punched me in the face and after he saw that we were actually happy. Okay, maybe he wasn't rooting for us the WHOLE time, but still.
"I mean obviously I still love her, but i'm with Julia! I'm not a cheater." Derek gives me a look that says "what about when you slept with my ex-wife while we were married?" 
"..Anymore.." I finish.