Fortnight

I Took the Miracle Move On Drug, The Effects Were Temporary

Lexie

I want to cry, scream, throw up. I don't know. I'm feeling everything, but also nothing. I can't breathe.
    "Charge to 300- clear!" Someone says.

I'm back to reality. I'm calm again. I feel good. I feel fine. I feel.. nothing.
Meredith races into my room.
     "Lexie! Are you alright?"
  "Meredith.." I whisper. I'm glad to see her. "Yeah, i'm okay."
Relief washes over her face.
     "Good!" She sits down next to me. "How long have you been up?"
    "Well, a few hours I think, and then I crashed and, well now you're here."
    "Have you talked to Mark?" I knew this was coming.
     "No... But I talked to Julia." I reply. She looks surprised.
        "Julia was here?"
      "Yup." I responded, my voice monotone. I really don't feel anything.
        "Well what did she say? Tell me!" Meredith replied, fishing for answers.
        "She was telling me all about how happy her and Mark I, yknow, it was like she was rubbing it in my face." I want to get angry. I feel like I should be angry right now. But all I feel is nothing. Just emptiness.
        "You're kidding!" Meredith looks concerned.. Or angry maybe. "She's gotta be lying.."
    "I don't know, I mean Mark could've just been saying that because I said it. I can't really blame him for that."
       "Lexie, you don't understand. Mark loves you. He's been saying your name over and over, he kept asking if you were okay, he even slept by your bed even when he wasn't supposed to. He loves you Lex."
He loves me? No he doesn't. What if he does? I feel like my heart should be pounding right now, but I don't feel anything. They must've pumped me full of narcotics. But why am I still functioning?
    "He doesn't love me Mer. He was just saying that." I sigh. I know it's true. I know he's happy with Julia. I should let him be happy.
     "Lexie.." She starts, probably about to defend him.
       "No, Meredith. He doesn't. It's fine, really. I'm fine." And I am fine. At least I think I am? I don't feel anything right now.
She's about to say something, but then stops.
  "Okay.." She pats my arm. "Well, I gotta go. I'll come back later though, okay,"
     "Okay." I reply. She leaves the room.
I think I'm relieved, maybe. I don't know. I think I've moved on from him, I don't know how or why but I feel completely fine. I am fine.

Later in the day I'm still feeling fine. I don't care that Mark is with Julia and I am going to be laying in this bed for months possibly, and will have to undergo more procedures and physical therapy, I really don't care. My life is in pieces and I don't care. I stare at the ceiling. I hope
that no one comes in because i just want to be alone.

Suddenly Mark walks in. And I feel nothing.
"Lexie..I.." He has a look of guilt on his face. Im scared that if he says something about Julia it's going to shatter this not caring thing.
"Please leave." I say, my voice monotone.
"Lex.." He says in that voice he uses when he's hurt. "Please go." I continue. He waits there for a second before turning and leaving. He stops.
"I'm going to come back later, y'know." Then he leaves. What does that mean?

Anger fills my veins. I feel sadness taking over. All of these emotions mixing through me, causing my stomach to feel like it's on fire and burning up. Whatever they gave me must've worn off. I do love Mark and I don't want him to be with Julia. I'm going to be all alone in this. I was stuck under a plane goddamnit! He told me he loved me and now he was with her? What kind of person does that to someone who's dying? Hot tears stream down my face. And why the hell did Julia come into my room to rub it in my face? Crazy bitch. I'm so scared for the future. I'm going to be here for a long time, going to be in pain for a long time, for what? My life is totally screwed up, what do I have to live for? What do I have to live for? I can hardly breathe. I think i'm having a panic attack? Nurses run into my room. I see Meredith run in, along with Derek and.. Mark. Mark is there, just staring at me, tears in his eyes. I stare back at him. Someone puts an oxygen mask over me and I finally look away. I look back and he's gone. My heart rate goes back to normal. I let out a sigh. Meredith sits down next to me.
  "Wh-why does this keep happening to me?" I ask, hoping she will give me an answer.
      "You're having major anxiety attacks. Do you know what could've caused them?"
Of course I know. I look at Meredith, unable to answer. She seems to catch on.
    "Oh Lexie.." I start to cry.
    "I hate this! Why did this happen to me? Why was I stuck under a plane right after telling Mark- who by the way has a girlfriend- that I loved him! And him tell me he loves me back when I'm UNDER the plane? And then I survive and wake up and he's still with Julia and I'm having these anxiety attacks and I'll be in this bed for months! I-I hate this so much." I'm rambling.
     "Lexie.. I know. I know this really, truly sucks. I promise I am here for you, okay? Me and Derek and everyone else, we're gonna take care of you, okay? You won't be alone!" She squeezes my hand. I feel better now.
    "Thank you Meredith." I respond.
   "I gotta go now, okay? But i promise I'll be back." She gets up and leaves.
I'm all alone again.

Mark

I went to talk to her and she was coding. She was dying. I couldn't see her like that. So I left.

Meredith enters my room. She sits by my bed.
"How is she?" I ask with anticipation.
"She's good-stable, for now." Meredith replies. "This is her second attack today."
"Her second?"
Meredith doesn't reply to that.
"Mark. Do you love her?" She asks. "Because she's really hurting right now, and she needs you." Lexie is hurting right now. I hate hearing those words. Lexie. My Lexie. Being hurt. Being in pain, and I can't help her.
"Of course I love her. I've never stopped." I reply truthfully.
"Okay. Did you break up with Julia?" She asks.
"Yes. Yes of course i did."
"Then you need to go in there and tell her that, because she's really freaking out right now."
"I tried to, earlier I tried to, but she didn't let me."
"Well then try again. I'm not gonna let you hurt my little sister, not again."
Not again. Those words pierced through me. I hurt Lexie. I caused her pain. I can't do that anymore.
Meredith left my room. I took a second before getting up and heading to Lexies room.
I enter. She looks so small, she looks weak. She isn't the strong woman that I know. She's hurting.
"Please leave." She says, her voice cracking. I just stand there.
"Mark. Get out." She raises her voice a little.
"No." I respond, moving closer toward her.
"Leave!" She yells this time. I sit next to her and grab both of her hands.
"No! I'm not gonna leave, I'm not gonna leave you, okay? I'm here for you Lexie, I love you."
She looks up at me, her eyes filled with hope.
     "I broke up with Julia." I say rubbing her hand.
A nurse walks in. 
    "Dr. Sloan. You're supposed to be in your room." She points out, ordering me to leave.
"I gotta go, but i'll be back, okay?"
She nods her head and I leave.

A/N: I have to get through this stuff before I can get to the good parts 😭 it's so hard to write this, I just wanna get to the good stuff.

1374 words