Islamically in Love

Chapter 3 - It's Time

It's been three days since I first came to Sajida's house. I can't say it's been awesome because it hasn't. I've been avoiding any serious conversation with Saj because I don't want to tell her. I realised that the news will affect her more because she's pregnant. I don't want anything to happen to the baby.
Zachy has been moody with me in this time. I don't even know why, I mean I admitted my mistake. He could've said sorry to me as well for shouting at me. He's never done that before.
Amir has actually been the most supportive, he's tried to take Saj away whenever she tries to bring the topic up, and whenever Zachy makes moody remarks at me he tells him off. Aunty had been oblivious to all of this because once she comes everything goes to normal. This isn't how I pictured staying here.

I'm in my room folding my clothes when Saj storms in. She slams the door shut and blocks it with a chair so it can't open. I pretend to be oblivious to her anger even though it's quite evident.
"Ok, that's it! I've had enough!" She shouts.
I wince slightly but carry on folding my dress, avoiding any eye contact with her.
"Everything cool?"
"No everything is not cool! Innayah Begum you tell me what you're hiding right now!"
I gulp.
"Don't know what you're on about"
"Don't give me that bullshit"
I raise my eyebrows. She barely cusses.
She grabs the dress and throws it away from my hands. Then grabs my shoulders and forces me to look at her.
"Tell me what you're hiding from me. NOW!"
I sigh.
"I don't kno-"
"I swear down Innayah, I'm close to hitting you. We've been best friends since infancy! We've never hid anything from each other! Why are you doing this? Why don't you tell me? What happend, that whenever I ask you about your family, about your mum, about Jas" when she says her name I freeze.
"See, look. I've just said her name and you've frozen. What are you hiding?"
"Nothing"
"Don't lie to me!"she shouts "what happend to Jas"
My breath hitches.
"Tell me!"
"I ca-"
"I've been trying to talk to you all these days. Trying to find out what happend. Why you suddenly stopped talking to me? Why you never contacted me? Why you missed my WEDDING? Why you had a panic attack? Why Faheem was so worried about you? Why you don't talk about your family other than him? But you're not telling me anything!"
"Ok"
"What?" She says
"I'll tell you. I guess it's finally time. Just don't freak out ok" even though that request was out of hand I felt like I had to say that. I won't be surprised if she slaps me after this.
"Jas is.... She's erm" I gulp. "G-gone"
"What do you mean?" Saj asks me suspiciously.
"I mean, she's... D" I take a moment of silence to catch my breath "dead"
There I said it. A whole year and a half later, I've finally said the words. That 4 letter word changes everyone's life but completely overtook mine.
Saj looks pale. Her mouth is slightly open in shock and she hasn't moved.
Her eyes start to water.
"In Al illayhi wa inna illahyi rajioon" she says after what seems like an hour but in reality was two minutes.
Then she walks up to me and slaps my cheek.... Hard. The stinging pain immediately rises on my cheek and I know without a doubt there's a mark of her hand there.
"I cannot believe you didn't tell me!" She shouts. "Such a big thing happend and you didn't say a word to me! You left me, like an outsider. Not a word about it. And then you come here. And say everything is ok. I cannot believe this." She says throwing her hands in frustration "Jas" she cries. "Oh my gosh, Jas. Jasmine is gone"

I can hear knocking on the door but my body refuses to move. All I look at is Saj's weeping body on the floor. I can't even comfort her because she'll probably hit me again.
"Guys open the door" I hear Amir say but I don't move.
"How did this happen?" Saj cries.
Then she controls herself and gets back up. She walks to me and puts her hands on my shoulders.
"Innayah, how did this happen?"
This part will make her hate me forever.
"It was my fault" I say. The look on her face is too hard to look at. She drops her hands away from me.
"What happend"
I gulp.
"I'll tell you everything. Just tell me you've stopped crying"
"You've told me like 5 minutes ago. You can't expect me to stop crying"
"I'm sorry. Alright"
We sit on my bed.