Please Remember Me

Dear Yoongi,

"Dear Yoongi,

It's been a long time since I've written anything to you. I wasn't busy but I just didn't know how to put my thoughts into words. You know that awkward moment when your thoughts are too fast to be written down? Yeah, that's what I'm going through right now. I just wish my mind was quiet for once so that I could get a bit of sleep.

But alas, I'm not lucky. I stopped going to therapy. My mother found out about it so she gave me a visit. It got a bit dirty. She called me names for being mentally weak and also said some nasty things about you.

I had a lot to say to her, you know? I really wanted to defend you but I just didn't have the energy to argue with her. So I just sat there and listened. Her words, no matter how much I tried, did sneak into my heart and killed the motivation to get therapy. But, I'll be honest, after I stopped going, I can feel myself slipping further into this dark abyss.

At first I thought I would be okay if I just talked with someone so I called a friend but she didn't pick up. I called everyone I knew, Yoongi, including you. But none of you picked up. I'm not blaming you in any way nor am I angry at anyone else. It's just, you all made me realize how lonely I truly am. It sucks.

It hurts that I try my hardest to not turn bitter but I can feel those negative thoughts and emotions creeping up on me. It's making a home in my heart and I don't know when it will leave or if it will ever leave. I remember feeling this way for a long time. The numbness. When I wake up in the morning, there's nothing to look forward to. Life has turned so monotonous that I'm bored of living.

Will it ever get better?

From,
Y/n.

*****

Yoongi's Pov:

Our argument last night kept playing in my mind. She wanted to talk about something, didn't she? I remember her asking me to sit with her and listen to me but I got frustrated and shouted at her. I broke out in sobs realising that it was my last memory of her and her last memory of me was not giving her time.

Flashback:

"Yoongi?? You are late..."

She said in a worried tone...

"Work..."

I said without looking back and still walking upstairs.

"Wait! I need to talk with you about something. It's a bit important"

"Y/n seriously!I am tired!" I don't why I was so quick to snap at her, but i couldn't control my anger. I could see her eyes well up with tears but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"But-" she started again.

"Ok now, seriously Y/n? You need to really understand that this is not the bloody time to talk about anything. We'll talk about it later!"

I shouted before she can finish with a deep frown while stepping down some stairs.

"No! This is really important yoongi! And also can you stop avoiding me??
It's been a month and you are still continuing this shit! You know you can sha-"

"No can do! Try listening to me for once in your life and stop interfering in mine!"

I interrupted her again and turned around to leave..

"Sometimes I wish she wasn't here.."
I said in a low voice which shouldn't have been audible but due to the silence Y/n heard it loud and clear.

End of flashback

She heard me back then and I didn't even care to correct myself. I didn't even get to apologise one last time. If I can reverse time then I would go back, hug her tightly and tell her just how important she is to me, I would spend more time with her, have meaningful conversations with her. I'd do whatever if it meant that I'd have her back. My hazy eyes landed on the diary again. The reason that's unknown to me might be there. But I was scared of what I'll find in it. Her writings, her feelings that I didn't have time for. Why did I even give up on becoming her diary? I wish I was her diary so that she would come and tell me things. But now, I've lost her forever.

My hands reached for the diary and before I can even realize, I was reading it.

"Dear yoongi,"