Please Remember Me

I am giving up

Yoongi's Pov:

When I opened her diary, the heaviness in my heart doubled. The nostalgia of her handwriting when we used to exchange handwritten letters was enough to make me tear up again. I couldn't hold back the sob when I saw how many pages she had written. That's when I decided that I needed to read them, no matter how much that hurts me. This is the punishment I'm getting for not valuing what I had with me. But honestly, I deserve something worse. She had just left me, and i couldn't wait to follow.

I didn't know how long I was reading her diary. I had to keep it aside every now and then when things got too heavy. The heaviness she felt in her heart was unbearable for me to even read. I wonder how she held on for so long. And I wonder how I failed to notice how strong she was. When I reached the last page, it was already dark outside. I ran my fingers on the page affectionately as if I was caressing her face, wiping those tears that I know she had in her eyes while writing this.

"Dear Yoongi,

So, this is how it feels to finally give up, huh? I knew the day was close but I never knew it would be so soon. I've tried my hardest to hold on to this life, Yoongi. But looking back, I don't think I hold any value in anyone's life anymore. I am not giving up on you Yoongi. I'm giving up on the hope I used to have in this relationship. That one percent hope I've been protecting with my whole heart has finally shattered.

And with that hope, I think my will to live did too. I wanted to live a life that had meaning in it. And the more I live, the less I see that meaning. If I ever got the chance, I would've asked you where I went wrong? Why was it that you started losing interest so fast? Everyday I had to get up and watch you lose your love for me little by little. And honestly Yoongi, I would like to die knowing that someone loved me, even if it's not a lot. But if I stay long enough to watch you completely abandon me, I'll die from within.

I'm not blaming you, Yoongi. It's not your responsibility to fix someone broken. At least not someone as broken as me. I'm like a shattered glass. You will try to pick my pieces up only to cut yourself and shed blood. I have the tendency of hurting people I love without even trying.

You know, I read somewhere that 'we should learn how to love ourselves before trying to love someone else because if we don't, we lose ourselves in the process of loving that person'. That's not love. That obsession. And I'm glad I can call you my last love Yoongi. Because since you entered my life, I wanted to love myself for the very first time. Thanks for being my wonderful memories.

You see yoongi, the world is filled with broken people. Although we all seem fine at first glance but if you look closely you'll find how different yet how similar we all actually are.

In this meaningless race of making others love us we sometimes forget how to love ourselves. It's funny how we get offended when someone insults us but we do the same thing with us inside our mind. I hope you know our mind is actually the most dangerous thing we have. It makes us think about everything in its own twisted way. Many don't give up but I decided to.

And now that I am not there with you that doesn't mean I will leave you. I'll always be there for you to protect you when you are in trouble. And I don't want you to cry or be upset because I'm not there with you anymore.

It was my choice to do what I did. There isn't anything you can possibly change in someone's life yoongi. Yes, you can delay it but you can't avoid it forever.

You have your whole life ahead of you. Live it as you like. Be carefree, be happy, be content and most importantly without regret. Everything that happens happens for a reason. Maybe leaving this world was what I needed to have a better life?? You never know. At some point, if I look deeply, most of it wouldn't have happened.

I realised that I'm such an incredible, stupidly sensitive person. No matter what happens to me,
I experience it really intensely. I feel everything deeply. And when you feel things deeply, you think about things a lot.
And me being stupid, I always used to overthink..

And so I don't want you to make those same mistakes again. Got it Mr Min??

You remember our first date??

We were discussing how we would like to say goodbye after we die??
Looks like it's you who has to say me good bye first in this life. And I want to say goodbye just the way we discussed. I don't just want to be buried in the dark soil away from everyone.

I want to be the reason for someone's smile even if I am no longer in this world. I want to be something that everyone can see and feel happy seeing even if I am not there. I want you to know that I will be watching you. I am not at all angry at you. And most importantly,

I will always love you.

Before ending this forever, I'll just ask you for one last thing,

Please, remember me.

With love,
Y/N."

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