Two Can Keep A Secret

Chapter 18: The Confronters of Love

What excatly did it mean for their relationship?

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Ivan sighs, a deeply conflicted look crossing his face. This was uncharted territory he was falling into, and Ivan's not sure if he'd like to continue.

Ivan knows he isn't the most likeable. Canada proved it, Texas proved it, hell, the uneasy glances he gets from other countries proved it. Ivan had never been able to properly express his emotions, a result of long isolation with just his sisters for company. Even then, a deep loneliness followed him.

Ivan thought that, if no one wanted to be friends with him, he'll make them his friends. But that idea didn't turn out so well, and only ended up with the nations hating him further.

Except for Alfred.

In all of his long, long years, Alfred was the first person to not be scared. To not instantly run away at the first sight of him, to scream in terror at his aura. Sure, he was a young nation, just barely out of his independence, but to Ivan? That didn't matter. There America was, the first nation to go out of his way to be friendly. There Alfred was, making an effort to get to know him.

And Ivan went and ruined it.

Their friendship was strong before the world wars. But deep down, Ivan could feel tensions rising between their countries. This had a lasting effect on both of them, Ivan more so. Their conversations became tense, but not unfriendly. Alfred tried desperately to get through to Ivan, to talk to him. But Ivan could only stay silent.

When world war two had commenced, it happened.

Their fight was unlike anything anyone had ever seen before, especially between two countries. Their voices had echoed through the halls, blood was smeared across each other's faces. Two seething nations stood before the other, various wounds across their bodies. For Ivan, his neck. For Alfred, his back. It took many a nation present at the time to drag them away from each other, and even then the glares sent would manage to send them into a fit of rage.

The meetings after that were never the same. The Cold War was a haze for Ivan, his corrupt government almost taking over his mind fully. But he was aware of everything. He was conscious. And eventually, every meeting, every interaction, was a fight. Whether it be physical, verbal or mental. They managed to get on eachothers nerves, like moths drawn to the flame.

Ivan never understood how he could blind himself so quickly. Lock himself away from his family, from Alfred, his only friend. Turn his back, despite the tears that never were able to fall from his eyes.

Ivan has never forgiven himself for it. He doesn't think he ever will.

So this brings him here. Alone, on the couch, with the lingering smell of pancakes in the air. Ivan groans, his head falling into his hands.

'Theres no way I love him. We have just become friends again, I could just be confused.'

He sucks in a breath as images of Alfred throughout the years flash through his mind, as if to prove him wrong. Instances of their friendship, how they both grew. For better and for worse. The battle wages in his mind, back and forth.

'Fuck. I love him. I love Alfred so goddamn much.'

'But he would hate me for this!'

'No, Alfred is understanding. He wouldn't.. he wouldn't hate me for it... Right?'

Ivan hesitates. Alfred has always been a very forgiving person, something Ivan has never been able to understand. Why forgive your enemies when they have wronged you? But then again, Alfred has always been the better one between them. Just as powerful, yes, but better.