Two Can Keep A Secret

Chapter 19: A Secret

'LOVE??'

-

Alfred could not believe this was happening. No, he simply could not believe it. Actually, he refuses to believe it.

'Nope, nuh uh, I don't love him.'

Alfred stubbornly refuses, a harsh sigh escaping him. He stands, opting to pace in circles around the hall.

'I do not love him.'

Alfred tries to convince himself, for sure.

It's not working.

'Sure, I admire him. His eyes, his laugh, the way his blush highlights his features-'

He really is trying to prove himself wrong, I promise.

'And yeah, maybe I like the way his hugs feel-'

Alfred is so deep in the river, I'm pretty sure the ancients waved to him on the way there.

'And how his hand can evelope mine-'

Honestly, I don't even know what point he's getting at anymore.

And so, Alfred continues to deny, deny, deny his feelings for Ivan. It seems like an eternity, but is really only five minutes he spends pacing and digging a deeper hole for himself.

Eventually, he throws his hands up in frustration. Alfred, at this point, has given up. His face is blood red, his ears feel as if they're on fire.

'Shit. I really do love him, don't I?'

Alfred finally admits it to himself, with great struggle. If he's honest, he feels quite disgusted with himself.

'Seriously, what is wrong with me? He's my best friend, and now I love him? How will I ever be able to look at him the same?'

Alfred laments, tugging a hand through his hair.

'Im not even sure if he'll feel the same...'

He sighs deeply. Then pauses.

'Wait, does he even like men??'

Alfred groans.

'Great, another problem in the way.'

He starts to pace again, looking at the door to his apartment with dismay. He doesn't know if he'll be able to enter the room, let alone look at Ivan now that he's aware of his feelings.

But Alfred knows no matter how hard he'll try to hide, the secret will eventually come out. Ivan's always been able to read him like a book, even more so nowadays. So he'll start simple.

By doing absolutely nothing.

Don't get him wrong, he'd love to confess. But first, he has to see their standing. See what he can get away with before he makes Ivan uncomfortable with his unnecessary touches or flirts. Alfred would hate to chase him away before he got to ki-... Before he got to confess, so he'll reel himself in.

Thankfully, Alfred knows he's quite the touchy-feely person, and Ivan is sure to know as well. But what to do?

'I'm pretty sure hand holding is fine, with an acceptable excuse. Ivan seems to like hugs, so hopefully I can just drag them on for a bit?'

Alfreds brain is starting to hurt with all of this thinking.

'Hopefully, the rest of the states will hold off threatening him for a while. This might take a while, and I don't want them putting unnecessary strain on our relationship.'

Hah. He wishes.

Alfred seems to finally calm down, taking deep breaths in and out. His face is no longer on fire, and a determined feeling has settled in his chest.

'By the end of this week, I'll know. And hopefully, he returns my feelings!'

Alfred knows he's getting cocky, hell, he knows he's getting overconfident. But he can't help it. It's his first time in love, after all. He wouldn't know the distress of rejection, as his mind only settles on the good for once.

With Ivan on his mind, Alfred never really thinks badly of matters anymore. He's too busy admiring him, wondering what they'll talk about next, or what they'll do together. He sighs as his stomach grumbles.

'That reminds me, I still have breakfast to make.'

Alfred though, turning to face the door. Taking in a deep breath, he turns the knob, and steps back inside.

-

Heyoo everyone! I'm really sorry for this short chapter, compared to the last one. I just finished training, and am dead tired lol. Anyways, this is the start of the next.. arc? I guess you could call it that. We'll be getting my report in a few days, so hopefully all goes well. With that, Goeiemorê, middag, aand of nag.