Dear Erika Parker, I've Always Loved You

Introduction

♡ Rachel ♡
. . .
-The age of Eleven-

"Rachel, Rachel, wait up!"

My first kiss was never the type of kiss one would typically count as anything more than "childish innocence".

I remember being eleven-years-old walking to my mother's car, nearly drenched in my own sweat after being in the heat of the warm, oversized silver gown my school Summerville Prep had provided, going to get my youngest brother Adam's anxiety fidget.

I was halfway to the parking lot, fiddling to find the right key in my mom's ring of silver and golden keys, when I heard her

"Rachel, hey, wait up!" It was a breathy type yell, one I didn't think I'd heard until I stopped and looked behind my back to see none other than Erika Parker, skinny and short, running towards me as best she could without tripping over the oversized gray hoodie with NYU sprawled across it in big red letters that I'm sure to this day she stole from one of her moms.

Behind her, her mom, with her red hair and blue eyes, took big steps to keep up with Erika.

I noticed Rugsby, the cat Erika and I agreed to "co-parent" after he ran away and I found him and got attached before finding out he had an owner, in her mom's arms.

My brows furrowed in both confusion, and anger, and more confusion because she missed my fifth grade graduation! Like actually missed it. I wouldn't see her next year because I'd be in middle school and she'd be in fifth grade.

Not only that, but she was supposed to be there to sing the national anthem- but more importantly, for me.

All the anger seemed to leave my body when she got closer, nearly knocking me down as she jumped onto me and wrapped her arms around my waist, causing me to stumble back and have to use my hands to support her, and realized she was crying, hard.

"W-what-" I barely got anything out before she started hysterically rambling on and on about them moving and how she didn't want to tell me- how I was her only friend and how I couldn't be because Isa didn't like her and would continue not to and how she had to leave because her moms don't wan't her being bullied throughout her remaining year of elementary school and her years of middle school.

I stood there in a daze listening to her and the only thought that went through my mind was how this was all Isa's fault.

Her fault that I could never be friends with Erika in school, her fault Erika was leaving, her fault that my best friend and her mom were both tearing up right in front of me.

I remember when we were hanging out once- a time where I couldn't take Rugsby because my step-dad was sick and Rugsby would make him even worse, Erika told me how her moms loved being back in Summerville because that's where they grew up and where the rest of their family was; how she sometimes missed New York but loved being in walking distance of her family friends Libby and Autumn- who didn't attend Summerville Prep but planned on going to the Academy for middle and high school.

I looked up at Maxine, one of Erika's adoptive mothers, sure my eyes were full of hurt confusion, I wanted her to confirm it wasn't true, that Erika was messing with me, I searched for that much in her blue eyes.

But nothing.

The woman blinked away a few tears while her daughter continued crying on my chest, "please- do you hate me?" Erika looked up, "please say something" her face was glistening in tears- her brown eyes were red.

There was nothing to say. I was so scared that if I spoke, I'd cry too.

But I needed her to know I didn't hate her, I needed her to understand that much so I let her go, her feet falling to the ground which probably made her feel even worse because she wanted to know if I hated her and that could be interpreted as just that, but then I do something even more unexpected, I reached down and cup her face with one of my hands and with my free one, wipe away her tears.

"I don't hate you for not telling me," I said, it came out in almost a whisper and I surprised myself with my own voice, "I just... hate you didn't even try".

"I-I was scared" she sniffled, "I just wanted to have fun with you".

My hand lingered on her cheek, my thumb gently rubbing her face as her brown eyes stared up at me.

That moment, even now, was electric- so thick with tension even when we were just kids.

Then Maxine spoke, "we talked to your mom" she steps forward and I look up at the woman, "she said you could keep Rugsby... Erika's request".

The woman placed Rugsby, big and gray, in my arms.

About ten months ago, when the school year began and he was found rummaging through the trashcan in my front yard, he was a lot smaller. Now? He was the size of a pillow, at best.

My eyes darted from him to Erika, "b-but he's yours".

"No" she said in almost a whisper, stepping forward, "he's ours. And he'll always be, right? Like, our child...?"

I felt my cheeks burning, my throat becoming dry, "y-yeah. Our child" I gave her a smile and she smiled back, showcasing both of her missing teeth and the dimple on her left cheek.

Then she did something neither of us would expect to change our lives. She stepped forward, stood on her tip toes, cupping my face in her hands, and kissed me right on the cheek.

It wasn't a real kiss- not one that anyone would count as one, but I did- because at that moment, something awoke in me.

Something I'd spend whole summer before my first year of sixth grade searching for; an answer.

Because distance brings fondness.

And at that point?

"I'm gonna miss you" I whispered, choking back tears.

"I love you" her hands fell to her side and she gave me one last look before sadly drifting over to her mom and taking her hand, "bye Rachel".

"Bye Bubbles..."

That wasn't the last I'd see of Erika Parker, but during that time? I genuinely thought I'd never see her again.

And that scared me more than anything else in the world.

. . .
♡ T   A   L   E   Y   I   A   H ♡