Dear Erika Parker, I've Always Loved You

Chapter Eight.

"The weight"
♡ Rachel ♡
. . .

I'm horrible.

Like I actually suck but there's one thing Erika got wrong, I don't want Isa's approval on anything!

I just don't want drama.

And this project, working with her- even sitting by her? It's drama.

Once upon a time I thought I had a grip on this shit- my feelings, that is. But staring at her in class? Running my fingers through mu hair? I can't keep doing that.

Running my fingers through my hair...

Of course my friends wanna hang out and laugh about why they say Erika chasing after me earlier at school.

But me? I'm too not in the mood for it to care so while Isa and Piper and Amy are laughing in the parking lot, I turn and slip the front seat of Amy's red Honda.

You'd think since I'm the only Martin kid home during the week I'd have the car- both of them even, all to myself.

But I just so happen to not like driving as much as I like well... some things.

"What's her problem?" I hear Piper ask.

Meanwhile I hear Isa in a fit of giggles.

"H-hey Rachel," Isa begins, I crane my neck out the car to look at her for just a second; they're where I left them, leaning on the backseat door and by the trunk, "do we need to get a trusted adult? Did Erika touch you?" Isa and Piper laugh, and Amy's brows furrow and I frown.

The hatred Isa has for Erika is deeper than her mom's- at least, that's what I realized a while back with Winnie- that she didn't care about gay people. Maybe it's not as simple as gay moms, maybe it's something to do with bullying the smallest person.

But then... there's already a whole supply of smaller kids to pick at.

"Isa what the hell? That's not even funny" Amy says shaking her head, "that's a low blow even for you".

"What?" Isa groans, annoyed, "it was a joke".

Piper stands there uncomfortably. Piper, would I be like Piper my whole life?

Laughing at uncomfortable jokes just because...?

"That wasn't a..." Amy pauses and rolls her eyes, "never mind I'm gonna go but that...? That was fucked up".

I hear Isa scoff and say,"come on" to Piper before Amy slips into the driver's seat and I close my door.

Amy's genuine enough, she's not like Isabella- or, anyone for that matter.

She doesn't even like Isabella- like her sexually? Probably. But as a person? Hell no.

"You good?" She questions, looking at me intently.

"Yeah" I shrug. Good, good, good, I'm good.

Except, I'm quite actually the opposite of good. I'm crumbling.