dahlia

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Dahlia: My father asked me to create him a Facebook account. He doesn't know much about technology. He said that his friends, relatives, and colleagues already have one. I created one using my laptop and wrote his username and password on a notepad and stuck it on his table inside his office.

I don't really use Facebook much. I always dedicated most of my time at home studying. I also have a private tutor  for the advanced stuff I wanted to learn. My setup has always been like that ever since Grade School. If I'm not studying, I am reading books. My father said that if I wanted to be a lawyer like him, I should get accustomed to reading long and thick pages of books. It will be like that when I'm studying law, I will always be reading cases. The difference is that it happened in real life and not fiction.

Do I really want to be a lawyer? Maybe. I am set to be one. It's expected of me to do it. My father always tells me to follow his footsteps and it is ingrained in my head. I don't really mind. I admired my Dad. He is providing so much for me and mom, and he is a respectable person. We're not close as he is always busy but he made sure that I am well-cared of. I have maids who tend on me and my mom. My mom's an engineer but decided to become a full-time housewife when she had me.

He has high expectations of me. I am happy when he showered me with compliments whenever I reached his expectations. I enjoyed it. And I also get what I want as a reward. There's nothing I could wish for.

"Si Mom po?"
"Umalis, Dahlia. Babalik din siguro iyon mamaya," one of our maids answered.

However, I don't feel relieved. Something is wrong. I noticed their eyes, and how they are avoiding mine. They are scared. The house is quieter than normal. The silence is scaring me. Maybe, I'm just tired tonight.

I woke up early because I have a tutoring schedule early this morning. I greet the house helps as they prepare our breakfast.

"Bakit isa lang po ang pinggan? Hindi po sasabay sina Mom at Dad?"
"Uh, umalis po ng maaga si Sir Rodrigo, si Papa niyo po."
"Si Mom po?"
"Uh, ano," She looked down. She's intertwined her fingers, "Hindi pa po umuwi."

I am worried about mom. She doesn't usually go out. When she does, she's always with us. It doesn't help that my tutor is absent for today. I have all the time to worry. What is happening? If I ask the helpers, would they answer me? Should I ask Dad? Maybe, mom visits grandma.

I need to ask Karen, maybe she'll know what to do. I go upstairs for my laptop. I typed in fb dot com to chat with her. Instead of my fb account, Dad's fb account loaded on screen. I forgot to log out last time.

A message pops up.

Veronica Enriquez:
How did she find out?

I didn't mean to see it. I clicked the shortcut keys to close the tab. I feel guilty for seeing Daddy's private messages. That's Teacher Ron though. I looked at the screen of my laptop for so long. Thinking about what it is about. I'm dying of curiosity.

No. Maybe Teacher Ron is only informing Dad that she will not be attending today's tutoring class.

Even in class, my issues at home are all I think about. I'm worried about mom, and I'm curious about what Teacher Ron and Dad are talking about. Who is "she"? What did that person find out?

"Are you okay?" Karen asked during our recess time.

I decided not to tell her about it. I don't want people to judge my family. I'm scared of what might Karen think if I tell her about it.

Mom is still not home. I messaged her on Facebook using my cell phone but she didn't reply. She's not even online. I also called her mobile number but it's turned off. What happened, mom? Where are you?

Trying to know what's going on, I consoled myself with that thought as I turned on my laptop to access Dad's fb account. I'm doing this because I don't want to be kept in the dark. I repeatedly tell myself. I don't intentionally access someone's private messages without an acceptable reason. I am not like that.

I clicked on the message icon to check all the messages Dad received. I mostly read girl names. I can't choose which one to read so I decided to find Teacher's Ron chats.

If I could turn back the time, I wish I didn't read all the messages in my Dad's Facebook. That way, I wouldn't be hurt, shattered, and lost like this.

Dad has been cheating with multiple women from the start of their marriage. I spent hours reading all the exchanges he had on his Facebook to know and confirm that. Teacher Ron is his mistress, too, together with other women. I know some of them: my dad's client, my ninang, family friend, and even our previous maid.

And the shocking truth that I will never recover from is that Mary Santos, my mom, is not my biological mother. Pamela De Leon is my birth mother. I don't even know her. I am conceived out of wedlock and a product of my father's infidelity; and to cover up that mistake, my mom took me as her own.

My mom never comes back. Maybe, she's disgusted to even see me. Maybe, I am a reminder of Dad's obscenity. She despises me. The reason why she never even told me that she's leaving...home, that she is leaving me. I am not her daughter after all, I am just my father's mistake.

Things are never the same since. We never talk about what happened. Dad only assumes that I already know since I am not asking him questions. I refuse to be on the same table, entirely in the same space as him.

Since school starts at 12 noon, I always leave the house at 6 am and be home by 8 pm even though we're already done for the day at 6 pm. I just want to skip every meal or any chances he can talk to me.

Crazy how the world is continuing to revolve even when I am falling apart. I hate it. I want the world to stop. I want it to see my pain. I want it to tell me why this is happening to me? What did I do wrong? I am literally alone in almost 7 billion people. Crazy.

No one knows what happened even my best friend, Karen, doesn't know about any of this. She can sense something is wrong with me. She's good at reading people's emotions. She became extra protective of me, and she always accompanied me when I asked her to. She has become my pillar; the only reason I wanted to attend school, the reason why I am not breaking down. She is the only person who never leaves me when I am unpredictable now, and not opening up.

She's the only person that matters to me.

Dad has high expectations of me. However, he disappointed me now. I don't even want to be complimented by him. It disgusts me. Since he let me down, I will let him down too...so he can feel my pain.

I am not myself. I failed to pass some of the deliverables and the teacher's called me out for it multiple times, but I still didn't comply.
                                         
And the first year of my high school life ended just like that.

And finally, Timothy beats me.