An Outdoorsman's Guide To The Calls Of Common Thieves

Pandas

09/06/2024 - 12/06/2024

Get You - Daniel Caesar ft. Kali Uchis

Behind the counter, a kind-looking, older man is on the till, and a younger woman is cleaning some glasses of the coffee station behind him.
B: "Hey there Ryan, welcome to Chilla's coffee, are you sitting in or taking your order to go?"
R: "To go please Bernie."
C: "And what would you like t- oh hey Ryan!"
R: "Hey Cassie!"
C: "What would you like to drink? Your usual?"
R: "Yup. Chocolate chip chillappucino please."
C: "I'll get that started for you."
B: "I can take who's next!"
Z: "Oh- yes hello."
B: "Ahhh! The famous Z! In the flesh!"
Z: "I mean I wouldn't say famous, but hi, nice to meet you."
C: "Oh my, we've heard quite a lot about you from this one." She jokingly gestures towards Ryan and he turns red.
Z: "I'm excited to try the coffee here, and Ryan has recommended it especially."
C: "We have been told our espresso blend is quite nice. What can we get you?"
Z: "Ummm... I'll have a chocolate chip chill-a-ppo-cho-no, but could you make it vegan?"
B: "Of course. What kind of milk do you want instead? Soy, almond, oat, coconut...?"
Z: "Soy please."
C: "Coming right up Z."

After paying for our drinks, we head in the direction of Ryan's place.
"So what exactly is a chill-i-ppi-cho-no?"
He laughs at my fail to pronounce it.
"Well this one is a chocolate one, so it's like an iced mocha."
"Ahh, I get it."
"Ok, you need to do like a proper taste review and rate the drink out of 10."
"Alright, taste test in 3, 2, 1-"
I take a sip, and the cold, chocolatey goodness fills me with joy and happiness.
"-mmm, that's so good! Their espresso blend is nice. And the soy milk is not too overpowering either. There's also vegan whipped cream! Definitely a 10/10!"
"I'm glad you like the recommendation."
"I love it, honestly. I wanna see what kind of whipped cream they use because some of the ones I've seen are a bit dodgy." I say as I remove the lid of the firm, reusable-looking cup. "Oh, wow, the cup is reusable."
"Yeah, the price of the cup is included in the first drink, and you can bring it back to get refills to save plastic. I think they were too excited about you being there to tell you."
"How fun, saving the environment."
"Gotta love it."
I lick the whipped cream on top to analyse it. "Ooh! It's like sweet, not overly plain like some are. And it actually stands up straight and holds its shape. I'm impressed."
"I'm pretty sure they make it themselves."
"No way! That's so cool! How have I never seen that place?"
"I mean, it's kind of hidden. If I didn't know Bernard and Cassie I wouldn't have either. Oh, they're the two baristas. They own the place, a little father-daughter business."
"Aww that's nice." I put the lid back on.
"Oh- you have some on your nose."
"Whoops!" I try to remove the small blob of whipped cream off of my nose. "Is it gone?"
"Hold on..." He gently swipes his finger over it, wiping it off in one swoop.
"Thanks."
"No problem." He licks the whipped cream off of his finger. "The vegan one is good, I might have to get that next time. What milk did you get?"
"Soy, it's my personal favourite."
"Ahh, I see. Soy milk chocolate chillappucino."
"How do you say it? Chill-o-ppo-cho-no?"
"Chill-a-ppu-ci-no."
"Chill-a-ppu-ci-no. Chillappucino. Yes!"
"There you go."

As we enter his place he sits on his couch, and I sit next to him. As he switches on the TV and gets the right download, I discreetly scooch a little closer to him. Maybe if I'm near him I'll be more focused and less sleepy when Stan Kelly begins to talk. It's a whole thing - I'm usually very conscious of where people are around me. Where their hands are, what they're looking at, et cetera. When you study body language a lot, you tend to notice these things.
"Are you ready for the wonder that is 'Colorado Sees Outdoors' episode 7?"
"Totally. They go to China in this episode to see that Panda reserve, right?"
"Yep."

novocaine - GenriX, CORBAL, Shiloh Dynasty

The cute pandas invade the screen, and in between series of "Aww!"s, I smell a familiar scent. It's woody, kind of earthy and the slightest bit floral. Where did I smell that before?

I lean back into the couch, still trying to figure out what that pleasant smell is... but I don't realise that his arms are stretched out on the backrest. I can feel the warmth of his hand between my shoulder blades. He doesn't seem to notice- never mind, he's gone red. Yup. Tomato. I can feel his hand start to move towards him, and for some reason I lean back harder against the backrest. He pauses, and his hand remains there. Phew. Close call.

It's then that I realise - he's the one that's smelling like that. That's why I've smelt it before - from the flannel. Geez, that's distracting. I'm doing my very best to focus on the documentary and to avoid sniffing him, by staring at the screen intensely, until a dancing bird catches my eye.

"See, I told you." I say as I point to the bird. "Mating dances work in the animal kingdom."
"Ok, ok first of all, that's not a panda-"
"-yeah I know that, but look at him, he's like getting it on, you know?"
"The female pandas chirp to get their mates, and then they reverse into them if they find them attractive."

"Hey, you could be a female panda." I blurt out randomly.
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah, you can chirp, and you can reverse."
He tilts his head and smiles. "Well then you have to be the male panda."
"What do they do?"
"Well, they pee on trees to mark their territory."
"Eww! I'm not doing that."

The episode comes to an end,but we don't even notice, since we've derailed into another conversation about whether or not we would move to China.
"So you're telling me you would move to China just for some pandas?"
"Only if I get to work in that reserve. If not then no. I'd rather be here."
"You know what? Fair enough."

"Have you ever considered leaving Haven?" I ask out of curiosity. "You've lived here all your life, right?"
He considers a response.
"I... wouldn't know where to go..."
I smile affectionately. Why is he so cute and shy?
"You should totally come to England with me when I go over to visit. That's a good start."
He seems pleased about the idea. "England, huh?"
"Yup. The land of tea and bo'les o' wa'uh."
That makes him laugh, and he makes me laugh.

"Does that mean I'll get to meet your family?"
"Do you really want to?"
"I mean... if you don't mind."
"...I don't mind. Do you mind?"
"Why would I mind?"
"Well then... yeah. I guess. Yeah you can."
He actually turns towards me. "Is this actually going to happen?"
"Yeah. Yes, yeah sure."
"No but seriously."
"Yeah. I'm serious. Why, do I not look serious?"
"No, no no no, I believe you."
"Alright then."

I flop back on my bed after Ryan walked me home. He actually wants to go somewhere with me. He wants to meet my family. That's an insane plan, and I don't exactly know how that's going to go, but... I guess we'll see. Let's just focus on the fact that Ryan's going to sit in a plane next to me, and I'll probably end up falling asleep on him.

I mean, it's nothing new-