Purple Roses

Chapter 18 - The Different Normal

I wish I could say everything felt normal when I walked through the school gates, but that would be a lie.

I slowly stumble down the corridors, I watch as everyone else laughs and plays as they usually do, completely unaware of what's going on in my life. Life doesn't just stop, it keeps going. I keep gazing to my side looking for Luca, he isn't there.

Before long I approach the door marked "MR D. HAZEL: HISTORY" and I give two light knocks before I push the door open gently.

I can spy Mr Hazel in the corner typing away at his computer. Before long, he glances up at me and stares in silence for a moment.

"Oscar-" he stutters. "I- well... come on in."

I can tell that he isn't expecting to see me.

I take a seat down at one of the front tables.

I see Mr Hazel continue to glance up and down between me and his computer before eventually standing up and walking over to my table.

He sits himself down on the table next to me, which I have never seen him do.

"I heard about Luca... look I'm sorry mate, I don't know what to say it's just terrible." He tells me.

I remain silent, I want to say something to him, but he doesn't understand what I'm going through.

"We are all going to miss him. The news has sent shockwaves through our community, he was loved." He continues.

I want to yell at him, everything he's saying to me has already been said before, but I suppress myself and remain silent.

"You know... when I was around 26 I lost my best friend." Mr Hazel says.

This catches my attention.

"I was distraught, I couldn't teach, I almost lost my job, I couldn't do anything. I was a wreck." He tells me. "But... what got me out of it is knowing the fact that he would want me to move on, he would want me to keep on going, he wouldn't want me to spiral."

I can see tears forming slightly in his eyes. "There's not a day that goes by where I don't miss him, but... just know that, while he may be gone, he will never leave."

I take a second to process that fairly poetic sentence he just left me with.

"Thank you." Are the only words I can formulate.

"Don't mention it, I know times are tough now, and you have a lot of questions, no doubt. It will all work out." He tells me. "Now, for the time being I think you have some lessons to be going to, you want to be keeping a routine no doubt. If you ever get upset or overwhelmed, come talk to me."

I thank him and exit back into the bustling corridors of the school and off to my Maths lesson.

Each lesson feels dull now without him, there is nobody to talk to, to laugh with. Just me, my thoughts, my ideas.

The day goes by so fast yet so slow, as I'm about to leave I remember the crystal shards I have in my pocket.

I once again return to Mr Hazels room briefly.

"When we went on the train, I managed to get the light crystal... we have both now and, I feel like you should have a look at them and observe and test on them... at least then it would mean that the trip had any form of positive outcome." I tell him sluggishly.

"Of course, just leave them with me." Mr Hazel tells me, and I oblige. "I've got a bit of a busy week, so I'll probably have a good look at it over the weekend."

I start the now lonelier walk home. The clouds cover and suffocate the sunlight from entering the city.

I solemnly step on every crack and fault in the pavement in an attempt to try and entertain myself.

"Look at who is lonely again?" I hear a mocking voice echo from across the road. Oh great, Tyler.

"Why are you walking so fast?" Tyler mocks. "Looking for another friend?"

Tyler's friends snigger after his comment.

Swiftly, Tyler and his mates cross the road and block my path.

"Looks like your little boyfriend got himself shot?" Tyler says to me. "How unfortunate!"

"Move out of my way." I say coldly.

"Little coward managed to die on a train, pathetic, isn't it? Probably of your doing, no doubt with your little train obsession, freak." Tyler continues.

I feel my fists begin to clench.

"Let's just all be glad that that little freak ran off and got himself killed, eh? Two of them were worse enough, probably screamed like a little wuss, didn't he? I'd say good riddance-" Tyler attempts to say before he is cut off.

With no hesitation, I punch him directly in the face and onto the floor.

Dumbfounded, the unanimous laughter from all of his friends ceases.

Forcefully, I pick him up by the shirt and pin him against a tall fence.

"Listen here right now. If you ever breathe a fucking word about him again, I swear to god I will make you feel the same pain he felt, tenfold. I have had enough of you, how the hell can you say something about another human being? That's the last I hear of his name from you." I yell at him.

"Is that clear?" I ask, raising my voice.

Tyler gives no response.

"Is that clear?!" I scream.

As I scream this at him. I quickly picture Luca against the wall, I look at my arm and see a royal cloak and grey skin. I sound like the King. I'm speaking exactly like he did... What am I doing?

I quickly loosen my grip, and he stumbles to the ground.

I sound exactly like... him... no...

"You're- you're insane!" Tyler screams, scrambling away.

I just continue standing there, staring into space. That image in my head was so detailed... I can't become him, my thoughts are getting the better of me.

I shamefully stagger home, tearing myself to shreds from what I've done.

I place my key in the door and hesitate, I try to put on my best smile, then I continue, walking through the door.

"How was your day, Ozzy?" Mum immediately asks me from the living room.

"It was alright." I reply, trying to sound as positive as I can.

"That's great, love, I'll make dinner soon." She tells me.

As I begin walking up the stairs, she asks me one more time. "Are you sure everything is alright?"

"As good as it can be, just powering on." I reply.

"Alright." Mum replies. "Oh, and this is a bit of a solemn one, but they said Luca's ashes should arrive by tomorrow. Just thought you'd want to know."

"Okay." I reply.

I stumble into my room and collapse into bed.

I feel like I should be crying, feeling awful, screaming. Why aren't I as sad as the others? I should be. I'm distraught, but I physically can't show it. There is this whole thing I want to get out of me, but I just can't. I just want the king to be stopped, as long as he is in power I will never be happy.