Purple Roses

Chapter 26 - Mabel

Is Oscar actually insane? He actually wants to go back to that place? With all of us?

I tensely use a coping saw to split a chunk of hardwood, not to make anything, just to distract myself.

James sits timidly in the corner on one of the dusty old spinning office chairs.

"Mabel? Are... are you okay?"

"I'm fine, James, bud." I say, trying to sound calm. "It's just this whole plan, I'm not the biggest fan of it, that's all."

"Yeah... I'm just confused." James says. "Oscar promised me that it's the best thing to do, but it's also really scary."

Of course Oscar did. Jesus Christ, what is that idiot playing at.

"He... he means well, but I don't think he's thinking clearly about it, I think it's silly if we all go." I try to water it down for James.

James nods, carelessly swinging his legs while spinning on the chair simultaneously.

My mind is helplessly attempting to forge a counterargument to convince Oscar that this is stupid.

Every part of me is telling me this is a bad idea, I could not go, but I don't want to let them all go in alone, especially not James. He's only just got back to some form of normality after we lost Luca.

"Mum seems really stressed at the moment... is she okay?" James questions.

"She's fine bud. She's a bit stressed, but she always has been, ever since we lost Dad and then the thing with Oscar and then when you and Luca showed up, not saying that's a bad thing of course. It's just she's constantly worried about us." I tell him.

"What thing with Oscar?" James queries.

Why do children ask so many questions?

"Oh, well, it was a long time ago now." I say, trying to burst it off.

"What was?" James asks.

Looks like dodging the question worked... I suppose there's no harm in telling him.

"Well, you know how Oscar has asthma?" I say to James.

"Mhm!" He replies.

"We didn't know at first, first few years of his life he showed no signs, until one day when he was like three or four he got really sick with a disease called Pneumonia." I say.

"What's that?" James says to me.

"It's a disease that makes it really, really hard to breathe - clogs up your lungs with nasty stuff... Anyway, Oscar had a raging temperature and couldn't breathe very well and Mum wasn't taking any chances so she took him to the hospital, I'm glad she did. I went to Nan and Grandads for the night." I tell him. "He was really poorly, he could hardly breathe, it destroyed Mum, but that wasn't the worst part."

"The worst part? What happened?" James says, hanging off the edge of the seat.

"The whole night Mum said he was just screaming in agony, never stopping. He had oxygen supplied to him, and a heart rate and oxygen monitor checking his vitals, but he didn't really have anything else at that point. Mum told me she'd never heard a person that distressed in her life. All she could do was hold his hand and say it was going to be okay, but she felt helpless. She thought that was the worst of it..." I say, before hesitating.

"Then, out of the complete blue, his heart just stopped, he stopped breathing, everything just stopped. Full flatline." I say.

"What? What happened?" James asks with shock.

"I don't know what caused it... doctors said his heart just gave up... but, Mum instantly called for help, the doctors flooded the room to try and wake him back up, they had to shock him twice before he came around." I tell him. "Apparently one of the doctors had to hold onto Mum the entire time, she was absolutely inconsolable, she thought he'd gone..."

I see James look up with me with a remorseful face.

"-but, it worked, they got his heart going again, and then they put him on lots of medicine, and he recovered, he was also diagnosed with asthma after that, probably what made it so intense."

"Poor Mum..." James sadly exclaims.

"I know... she has a naturally high blood pressure now so she has to monitor it, and she has anxiety." I tell him. "So that's why she's stressed a lot, she cares and a lot of bad things have happened to her, but we all have each other."

"Yeah... and this whole plan won't make her feel any better... will it?" James says.

"It- it'll be fine, James." I try to say reassuringly.

"Will- Will everything be alright?" James asks, a mild amount of concern in his voice.

"Of course it will, we just have to see what happens." I say to him. "I'm sure we'll be fine either way."

I decide to change the topic to brighten the mood, I think I might look a bit menacing with this saw anyway.

"You're eleven soon, right?" I question James.

"Yes! Four months now! He says with the utmost joy.

Oh, so not that soon then. Wow, my brain is fried.

"Enjoy it while it lasts." I laugh, playing along,

I notice through his smile that he's still missing a tooth, I swear it's been gone for ages now.

"Where's that new tooth off to, eh?" I laugh.

"Oh! Hmmm... well, I don't know... it's my last one though! All adult teeth once it finally grows out!" James says happily.

"Better be careful with them, don't grow back! Fella down at the car shop tripped and hit his teeth and knocked a few out, all metal there now!" I laugh.

I see James' expression turn to that of a bit of hesitance and uncomfortableness.

"-Oh, but, it's super rare, and you seem a lot more responsible." I pitch in, trying to cheer him up.

I see him shyly smile.

"Well, think about it, you can use the mechanical woodcutter, and you seem pretty good with the laser cutter!" I continue.

"Yeah, but that's the eaaasy stuff!" James says smugly.

"I'm sure, I'm sure." I laugh. "I'm sure you'll be using the circular saw and welder in no time! Nothing I can't train you on!"

"Oooo! Really?" He exclaims, I can practically see stars in his eyes.

"We'll have to see mate, maybe a birthday present!" I tell him.

Well that's more money to spend, but you know what, it's worth it at the end of the day. Mum keeps calling me mini-mum, and I get that now, I always look at looking after James as more babysitting, like with Oscar, albeit James doesn't want to throw us into a death mission...

Right- it's still on my mind. I can't get it out of my head. I need to speak to Oscar, at least then I can clear my head.

His birthday is in two or so weeks, I've been debating getting him a gift, but... I don't know. It feels wrong.

I also need to go somewhere, somewhere very important. It's an important day tomorrow.