Gods & Thieves ✔

34. Truth and Dare

༄༄༄

When I finally get to my apartment, I don't remember how I arrived. How, without even fetching my clothes, I ran through the night streets, deserted dark halls, wearing nothing but a towel...But when the door slams shut and I'm completely safe and alone, my pulse is still pounding in my temples. Not a trace of my recent serenity now.

I want to scream. Or cry.

Loretto...

Are we...?

No.

No, I made it up! It's impossible. Wine, hot baths, people--lots of people--and these heart-to-heart conversations under the moon? No, this is clearly too much for my impressionable mind. It couldn't stand it, and something broke, reality shattered...

And yet, no matter how long I convince myself that everything is about to return to normal, no matter how hard I press my bare back against the cold door, no matter how long I wait, my heart does not listen. It drives my blood through my body like liquid fire. My knees shake.

Loretto's face is still lingering before my eyes: peaceful, familiar, reachable face. The echoes of Loretto's breath laced with wine on my lips...

No!

Cursing, throwing the towel aside, I go to the bathroom. Without turning on the light, I turn on the water and stand under a cold shower for who knows how long--until my teeth begin to chatter. I'm trying to calm myself down by counting breaths. I throw my head up and let the rushing water wash my cheeks and forehead, but despite all the discomfort, my thoughts still bring me back to Mentor over and over again.

No, how could you do that? Only my favorite anger saves me now from the unwanted images in my head. Are you a teacher? Or is a tempting serpent? Does fae really not understand that even jokes must have limits! There's nothing outside my comfort zone, blah-blah...

What about my comfort zone, huh? How am I supposed to get rid of a hot lump in my throat now? Fae knows that I'm flighty when it comes to reactions, so why encourage? And then you stared at me so innocently with your dark Mentor's eyes...and now I'm picking myself up from the pieces...

Cursing the silence once more, I feel a little better.

Exhale.

I'm going to bed.

But my angry panacea turns out to be self-deception. I barely manage to reach the bedroom, barely get under the blanket, lulling myself to sleep with the softness of the satin sheet, when a new realization hits me in the head. My apartment is one floor below, exactly under Tayen's. My bedroom is under Loretto's bedroom, my bed under...

My eyes shoot to the ceiling.

Loretto is definitely in faer bed by now, too. Under the blanket identical to mine, on a pillow identical to mine. We are literally in neighboring rooms, and considering that our rooms are identical, it is easy to imagine that it's the same room.

A knot of heat gathers in my stomach again, sending goosebumps down my back. My hand slides over the unoccupied, cold half of the bed next to me. And why do shamans need double beds if almost all of them live alone? If you think about it, lying alone in such a huge bed in the dark is depressing. No wonder Loretto has a pile of things in the corner--it shoos the emptiness away a little.

And I wouldn't have been alone right now if I hadn't run away, I suddenly realize with a pang of regret. I could lie under the stars with Loretto, side by side, all night long. We would've fallen asleep together...