Gods & Thieves ✔

45. Body and Soul

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Once in my room, I exhale slowly. Fae comes in after me and watches, silent, as I immediately close the door, propping it up with a chair.

"So that no one comes in," I say, catching faer curious look. "There is no lock on the door."

Loretto frowns. "The room is yours. Can someone enter without asking?"

"Now they can't."

Lo takes a step toward me, but stops at arm's length. Fae looks at my bare shoulders, catches my gaze, looks at my shoulders again...as if in doubt.

And suddenly, I have no idea what to do, either. Should I come over and kiss faer? On the lips, or maybe on the neck first? On the cheek? Be unhurried or bold? Gentle? Or too gentle is not so pleasant. Not sensual. Then, perhaps, I should pull Lo into my arms right away and drop us to the bed together?

No, it's too fast.

I've replayed a night like this so many times in my head, but in my imagination, it's always been perfect. Without a beginning or an end, awkward moments and confused glances. In my mind, I knew exactly what Lo wanted and what I wanted...But in reality, I don't really know, and now I'm not sure how to ask. Discussing the obvious is stupid. It's ridiculous. Not tempting.

I take a step forward.

Lo is still waiting, seemingly unsure now, too.

After a moment, I begin to unbutton the three buttons, remaining untouched by me, on the shirt of Loretto's pajamas. My hands are shaking.

I can hear Lo's muffled breathing in the darkness. It leaves a touch of hot air on my cheekbone, but fae still does not act in response. But why?

Tayen hesitates. Waits. It's like that precious moment that drowned us in obsession on the balcony minutes ago has disappeared somewhere, and now there's a gap between us again. We both long to overcome it, but...do not see the crossing. It's like Lo is afraid to let faerself feel something.

And I'm afraid that Lo will freeze again and stop feeling anything at all.

One, two... three.

The buttons slip out of the buttonholes. I carefully pull the shirt off faer pointed shoulders, and Lo relaxes faer arms, letting it fall down. The shirt falls soundlessly and remains lying on the floor at our feet.

Loretto and I are equally naked to the waist now.

My heart is racing again, sending heat down my stomach, but I force myself not to hurry. Savoring the moment, studying it. Lo doesn't make a sound, just watches me, and I allow myself to take a minute or two to admire Mentor's forms in the way I've never done before. Not as a teacher, but as a friend. As a coveted beauty that was created for my admiration tonight.

As a child, I idolized shamans. So fabulous, unreal, beautiful. And now I find myself feeling the same way, only the feelings is stronger. I'm mesmerized.

Whether it's a fairytale or stupid endorphins, but I'm suddenly sure that there is nothing more charming in the world than Loretto's long, jet-black eyelashes, all-knowing gaze, and slightly upturned outer corners of faer eyes. Loretto's high cheekbones, lips, Adam's apple and neck carved with night shadows, hollows of the collarbones... No, this has definitely never happened to me before.

Who would have thought that in order to fall in love with someone's body, I would have to love their soul first?

I run my palms over Loretto's hot stomach and tense chest, over faer arms, sensing as goosebumps begin to run over them... Finally, a reaction that you can't argue with. So far, it seems that only my body has responded to every breath. Mentor, however, judiciously and soberly allowed faerself just as much lust as fae could turn off at any moment. Fae stood on the shore while I was swimming on the waves of attraction.