Gods & Thieves ✔

40. Ghost and Rascal

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Everything and nothing.

Nothing...

Loretto and I walk along a deserted street of Cabrakan, illuminated only by the deceptive light of the stars. We're walking toward my house. We shouldn't have probably wasted time and just teleported, but for that, I had to say something--voice the idea--and my mouth was dry.

And we're walking.

Loretto doesn't say anything, either, clutching the cake box to faer chest, not me, and fae doesn't mention my failed attempt to beg for a kiss. Either, like me, fae doesn't know how to discuss it, or doesn't consider it worthy of discussion...But I still don't understand what's hidden behind this silence! Can it be interrupted?

If I talk, will I get my face slapped?

Will I burn with shame?

Get mad?

Or maybe fae didn't react, just because my breath is bad? I think with sudden horror. Although I didn't even have time to open my mouth, just quirked my lips. And then fae should have given the chewing gum to me, not hide it in faer pocket...

If Loretto expects nothing from me but friendship, why not say it directly? And if that's the case, then why this silence tearing my heart to shreds? Tayen isn't afraid of uncomfortable conversations...so is it a dumb request to wait? Give faer time to get used to new feelings?

But I didn't see any feelings in Loretto's eyes.

Nothing.

Then what, Mentor doesn't care about me? Was that night at the hot springs really a joke, and sharks in aquariums grow, unaware of passions, in cold water?..

But if fae doesn't care about me, since I'm unworthy of faer love, why ask to visit my house, with a gift? After all, Cale, my shamanophobic brother, whose very name Loretto cannot stand, will certainly meet us there. Why put up with me for the last two months, day and night? Only to find out the plans of the Montejo family, really? Betray me to the Council? Beat Maricela, take revenge, survive and... that's it?

I do not believe it.

Shivering from the freezing midnight wind, I put my hands in my pockets. I glance at Loretto, but Tayen looks at the road in front of faer as if nothing has happened. No contempt on faer face, no embarrassment from the memories of my lips touching faers without asking. As if remembering all this is simply not interesting.

Well, all right.

So be it.

After all, Gen wasn't wrong either, when she said there was more to it than just being able to touch someone. The body is just a bonus and completely optional if something much more precious is open to you--the soul. I can listen to Loretto's velvety voice. Look into Loretto's all-knowing and bottomless, like the depths of the sea, eyes. We can read books in the library together, walk under the moon, have dinners...

I wish Loretto happiness, right? And if happiness for Loretto is when I don't touch and don't talk, so be it. I can keep touching myself at night. The important thing is, Tayen is here, and it won't get worse if nothing changes. Just friends, so be it.

But for some reason, my chest is still torn with disappointment...

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It takes more than an hour to walk around the broken streets of Cabrakan in mournful silence, and find ourselves in front of an old three-story house, the stone walls of which are painted with peeling yellow.