Gods & Thieves ✔

39. Everything and Nothing

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Once inside the bakery, I stop, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark. The aroma of the milk cakes is so thick here that it literally coats my tongue with powdered sugar. Seduces.

Drives me crazy.

Just like Tayen's warm hand on my wrist again. So close...Why, why does my heart skip a beat every time? I find myself regretting that I can't see Loretto's eyes in the dark. Can't see at least some mutual feelings. But it's just a damn hand...Why couldn't I fall in love with aura gemcoins like that homeless man? Or with power, like Maricela? Why do I always need something that's out of my reach?

"Loretto, you had gemcoins all this time?" Clearing my throat, I fight the blush that touches my cheeks. "Why offer to steal, then?"

Loretto says in the dark next to me, "Well, we're really stealing, aren't we? But I didn't specify whether we would leave something in return."

My eyes slowly get used to the shadows, distinguishing the details. Unlike the street, here is tidy and cozy. There are wooden tables on the left from me, and by the stairs leading up, where the baker lives, there is a counter and a glassy refrigerator, where pies with berries and caramel syrup are stored.

Next to the exit is a stand with bottled juices, chewing gum, candies...condoms? Is it a dating kit? I look away, embarrassed. But between the stand and the refrigerator is a huge countertop, where freshly baked cakes are.

After meeting with a half-witted man and his bullshit laced with hatred toward us, I don't feel happy to see all these cakes anymore. Well, I'll try to forget my worries with a cake, and then what? Whether I'm a shaman or a plainblood, a rebel or a pawn of the empire, someone will despise me anyway. Even if I earn all those pompous titles at once. Even if everything I want will be at my feet. Is it that good to get what you want, then? Is happiness about wanting?

And the silence around now feels like the calm before the storm...

Without wasting any time, Loretto is already by the counter, bringing out the remaining aura gemcoins to leave for the baker. One diamond of the size of a sunflower seed and three smaller aquamarines are all that's left.

"Oh..." Mentor's voice trails off with disappointment after continuing. "I thought I had more. This is only enough for a small cake or five cupcakes. What are we going to take?"

"My relatives won't share five cupcakes equally, everyone will fight. A cake can be cut into pieces. A cake, then."

"Then choose what you like. I'll look for packing boxes." With these words, Loretto goes deeper into the bakery, to the shelves behind the counter where all the utensils are.

After lingering for a moment longer, watching as Tayen begins to slowly rummage through the shelves, I go to do what I was told. But what is there to choose? My brothers and sisters will eat anything if it's sweet, I think, watching Mentor from the corner of my eye.

At first glance, everything in Loretto's movements is as usual--faer proud grace, rhythm, thoughtfulness. But when you get to know someone close enough, when you understand exactly what emotion should be hidden behind each gesture, you begin to notice nuances that any passer-by will neglect.

Loretto's grace today is kind of clumsy, pretentious. Faer rhythm is sluggish. Faer thoughtfulness is indifferent. Of course, I do not expect that you can restore the strength of the spirit in one day after being injured, even if you are a shaman, but Loretto's mood...disturbs me. It's as if there're no emotions behind the movements of Mentor at all, no excitement, no persistence. Even the darkness of the hall does not hide it: Loretto is uncomfortable in faer own body, in faer own thoughts. What are you hiding from me again, Tayen?