Lost and Found

16

Elyse asked him, feeling her heart drop the moment the words escaped her lips. It was something she'd truly wondered since the beginning, she couldn't believe she actually said it aloud. She felt like she was asking to get hurt, of course he still loved Penny, how could he not?

The light in his eyes left immediately and the light smile he'd worn before, turned into a stone-cold, straight face. He continued looking at her, but it was as if he was looking straight through her then.

It was silent for a long moment before he finally opened his mouth to speak. Elyse braced herself for his answer, cursing herself for drinking just enough to gain the courage to ask, yet certainly not enough to handle whatever his response would be.

"I dunno... what to say."

He spoke hesitantly, his eyes flickering to examine her face for a moment, before he looked away again.

"I suppose I was still in love with her for a long while. I can't say I don't love her at all, though I'm not sure if I'm still in love with her."

He said thoughtfully, pursing his lips while he visibly racked his brain to find the correct words.

"Ya know, Penny is the only thing that kept me alive down there. I kept goin, for her, for the idea that I'd make my way back to her someday."

He added, staring off solemnly, still as a statue.

Elyse sat silently for a moment, feeling the realization hit her like a bus. This was what he'd waited for, for years. The chance to go home to his love, Penny. And it was all ruined because of her.

She realized then that Desmond would never leave her to die so he could reunite with Penny. Not because he didn't love Penny, but because Desmond was a good man, with a kind heart, and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he knowingly left her for dead.

"Maybe you two will reunite again. We know there's a way to leave now, I'm sure we could do it again."

She said softly, swallowing the burn in her throat while she stared at the beautiful, broken man beside her. If Penny was what he needed to be happy, she wanted that for him. No matter how much it killed her inside.

He turned his head to look at her then, his glossy, honey-brown eyes, suddenly full of emotion.

"I used to believe I was unlucky, like life had it out for me. Now I realize, everytime I've suffered, it's been my own fault."

He spoke intently, taking in a labored breath, when he seemed to become suddenly overtaken with emotion.

"Don't say that-"

Elyse began, reaching her arm out to him, before he cut her off and shook his head hastily.

"No! Ya don't understand. I've ruined every bloody chance I've had at greatness. When it got hard I ran, every time. And that's what I regret the most with Penny. She loved me, she stayed beside me, even when I had nothin to give her but my love and my problems. She stayed, and I ran, because I was a coward."

He cried out, looking at her with deeply intense, wide-eyes, similar to how he'd looked when she first came across him down in the hatch. A look of terror laced with a bit of insanity.