Story of a Chapter

Ikalabing-tatlong Pahina

Murphy's Law states that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong. And if it can't go wrong, it will go wrong anyway.

Just like Murphy's Law, my conclusion from those series of events only led me to a domino of disorder. Pagkatapos kong mapagtanto na may crush na nga ako, for the first time ever, parang nawala na ang nakasanayan kong kagawian. From a perfectly peaceful cycle of attending classes and then going home to just study again, my world became enclosed in a snow globe that is shaken every minute for snowflakes to fall and disperse around.

Doon ko napatunayan na nakakapagod magkaroon ng feelings sa isang tao. Kahit isang simpleng crush lang iyon. Maraming nag-aaway dahil doon. Maraming nasasaktan dahil doon. May mga pagkakaibigang nabubuwag at mga sekretong nabubunyag.

That is exactly what transpired after confirming my crush on Norzel.

I excitedly went to school after that weird but astonishing conversation with Norzel. I mean, it was barely a conversation but remembering the fact that we talked—even though only online—sent butterflies in my stomach that tickled and sent my cheeks red as tomatoes every time I saw him.

My classmates, especially Angela, continued teasing me about him. A classmate even showed a picture of a Television Love Team that apparently looked like us. Before, it might have sounded cheesy and cringey and would send me spiraling out the universe but it was different now. I might have dismissed the idea in front of them but I was actually experiencing kilig on the inside.

Mas dinadalasan ko nang pumunta ng palikuran dahil katabi lang iyon ng silid nila, which indicates an opportunity to see him. I might have gone to the bathroom multiple times this month that it might have even exceeded the amount of times I went last school year.

Kapag nakikita naman ako ng mga barkada nito ay hindi lingid sa kaalaman ko na hinihila nila ang lalaki para harapin ako. Palagi tuloy silang nakatambay sa harap ng palikuran. Tuwing lumalabas ako ay nandoon sila at panay ang ngiti sa akin nang may malisya sabay sulyap sa lalaking kulang na lang himatayin do'n. Nakikita ko ang kagustuhan nitong tumakbo o magtago pero he's cornered by his friends.

Napapansin ko rin itong pinagmamasdan ako kagaya na lang no'ng nagtatanim kami sa garden at nasa railings sila ng second floor, tinatanaw kami. Hindi ko tuloy mapigilang maging self-conscious.

O 'di kaya iyong nagluluto kami para sa TLE namin at eksaktong napadaan si Norzel para may ibigay sa instructor namin. Napag-utusan tuloy itong tikman ang mga niluto namin at magbigay ng feedback. Pa-simple akong kinukurot ng mga kaklase noong niluto namin ng group ko ang tinikman niya. Dahil sa mga reaksyon nila ay hula kong nalaman nito na iyon ang sa amin.

"Taste like a 3 Michelin stars food," komento nito at pasimpleng tumingin sa akin.

Tumango ang instructor namin habang naghiyawan naman ang mga kaklase ko. Tinignan sila nito na parang nababaliw na sila.

However, those happy moments only lasted a month until things started to go awry.

Zirren and my friends still believe that I don't feel anything for Norzel. Kaya ang mga kumakalat na mga balita tungkol sa amin ay pinapalagpas lang nila sa kabilang tenga.

Do I have an intention to tell them the truth? No.

I did consider it but I just couldn't bring myself to say it. That I have a crush on someone. Because it doesn't feel like me. Because it could be a weakness. And also, because my parents could find out about it and I'll face several consequences I wouldn't expect.

Also, it feels liberating to keep things just to yourself. Maybe there would come a time that I would tell them but I know today's not the right time. Nor tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow.