Story of a Chapter

Ikalabing-apat na Pahina

Way back, I didn't know what to do in cases where your friend has a crush on a guy who has a crush on you. So when I saw through Lara's nonchalant facade her hurt and sadness, I blamed myself. For clarification, hindi naman nagalit sa akin si Lara. Hindi niya ako sinisi. Maybe she was just hurt upon realizing that Kobe still has feelings for me amidst the speculations between Norzel and I.

Ngunit sa kabila no'n, hindi ko maiwasang sisihin ang sarili ko. Bakit pa kasi nagkagusto sa akin si Kobe? Bakit pa kasi hindi ko ito ni-reject? Bakit hindi ko nakita na siya iyong gusto ni Lara? I wished that Kobe would just try and see other people.

I felt so guilty and I carried that guilt for such a long time until one time, I heard from her cousin that she already has a boyfriend. Simula kasi noong nagkahiwalay kami matapos ang high school ay hindi na kami nagkausap pa. I was so happy for her although I never really got to say it. I don't know. Kung anong close namin noon, gano'n naman kami ka-distant ngayon. We grew and that's normal. Minsan na rin kaming nagkamustahan noong nagkataon na nagkita kami sa siyudad. Cagayan de Oro's not that big of a city.

Anyway, after realizing Lara's feelings for a certain mestizo guy, I felt sorry. She only gave me happy memories and stood by my side at all times. I was thinking, if I'm able to make Kobe like her, then everything would be good. That I would be granting her a huge favor.

But that was a massive mistake on my part. Kasi kahit gaano pa kalinis ang intensyon ko, a small part of me did that to relieve the conscience that I was feeling.

"Ashleigh Hope Soriano," Mom's stern voice greeted me as soon as I arrived home.

There she was, sitting on the couch, lips sealed tightly and looking at my grades for the third quarter. Even though I already expected her reaction, experiencing it still sent shivers down my spine and made my bones weaker.

Mas humigpit ang hawak ko sa school bag. Hindi ko mapigilang yumuko dahil sa kahihiyan.

"Why did your grades drop? From an average of 97, naging 96 na lang ito." A frown is visible in between her brows.

I desperately tried to think of an answer that would satisfy her. Sana naging kasing dali na lang ito ng mga quiz sa school. Na isang hanap lang sa memorya ay masasagutan ko na ang tanong. Isang basa lang sa libro ay makikita ko na ang sagot.

Tumingin si Mom sa akin nang wala siyang makuhang sagot. Her eyebrow shot upward as if she's waiting for my answer and her patience's hanging on by a thread.

"I'll do better, Mom," desidido kong sabi. I'll do better.

Pinag-krus nito ang mga binti at tinignan ako nang maigi na parang sinisigurado nito na tutuparin ko ang sinabi. "You should be, sweetie. Alam mo namang kailangan na 98 ang average mo para sa with highest honors, hindi ba?"

I gritted my teeth and nodded as a response. I can do it. Kakayanin ko.

"From now on, hindi ka na pwedeng gumala. Kahit si Zirren pa iyan o si Tina. You are grounded until you make sure to graduate in first place. Do you hear me, Ashleigh?"

"Yes, Mom." My voice nearly faltered.

Natunaw ang malamig nitong pakikitungo at sumilay ang isang ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi. Sa isang iglap, bumalik ang matamis niyang boses. "Good. You can go ahead and study. It's not nice to waste time."

I once read in a book that progress isn't linear. But to my parents, it's absolutely not like that. For them, it should always be upwards. Kapag nakuha ko ang 97 na grade, dapat sa susunod ay 98 na. Hindi pwedeng bumaba. Sanay na rin akong mapagalitan dahil dito. And every time, I always tell myself that I could reach their expectations.