Story of a Chapter

Ikalabing-anim na Pahina

It always daunted me when people confessed their feelings towards me. I might not have experienced heartbreak or rejection, but that does not mean that I don't have the capacity to understand the pain that they will go through once I do that to them. Others may see me as unattainable but is it wrong wanting to protect my heart? It's not like I purposely led them on and then told them to scram away because I don't feel the same. People might think that it's easy for me because of the countless times I've let someone feel that their feelings aren't reciprocated but believe me when I say that it stabs me in the heart whenever I purposely ignore them so that they'll realize how I can't ever feel the same. Cowardly move, yes.

So when I found out about the meaning behind Inno's statement, I couldn't help but feel frightened. In retrospect, Inno and I might have started on a rocky path but he became a good friend. Yet my instinct to protect myself surpassed the friendship and bond that were made between the two of us. I was more afraid to lead him on, that my only option was to ignore him and gradually break his heart.

I did not feel the same way for him. Iniisip ko pa nga kung totoo nga bang gusto niya ako. Hindi ba't hindi pa siya nakaka-move on kay Tina? Ano ako? Magagaya lang ba ako sa mga naging girlfriend niya na panakip butas sa sakit na nararamdaman niya?

I made a decision.

Hindi ko na siya papansinin bukas.

Our friendship will probably end pero kung iyon naman ang ikakatahimik ng puso ko, then so be it. My conscience will eat me alive and tear my heart a bit but it's for the best.

The sun's still waking up but I'm already at school kasi sumabay na ako kay Dad paalis. Maaga ang duty niya at ilang araw na rin namin siyang hindi nakakasama sa bahay. He wanted to hear details about my academic standing and talk to me about his surgical operations. I'll be familiar with the field daw kasi and it won't be difficult for me to be the best. It was an excruciating eight minutes of my day that stepping into the school premises gave me a huge relief. Nakahinga na naman ako nang maluwag. If only school hours extended up to 12 hours, I wouldn't be spending that much time at the house.

Kaunti pa lang kaming nandirito. Mrs. Laurel gave me the key to the room para raw hindi na kami maghintay pa sa kaniya. I grabbed my books and used the time to read the lecture for today. I highlighted the key informations para kapag magsusulat na ako ng notes for the exam, madali na lang iyon. One exam left and I'll be graduating na. I'll be leaving my home for ten whole years.

I closed the book and erased the unwanted thoughts in my head. I didn't want to think about the future. Instead, I plugged the earphones in my ears and played this is me trying by Taylor Swift. The rising sun painted the bleak sky with a tint of oranges; its golden rays dispersed across the empty rooms and hallowed hallways. Nakita kong pumasok ang iilan sa mga guro. Ang mga estudyante naman ay humihikab pang lumakad papunta sa sarili nilang silid.

Namataan ko si Zirren na naglalakad. I'm watching from the railings and tried to get his attention pero hindi ito lumingon at nasa harapan lang ang tingin. Napakalinis nitong tingnan sa suot na uniporme at ang nakaayos niyang buhok ay nagdadagdag lamang sa kagwapuhan nito. Zirren has always been well kept and stricter for rules. Kaya kami nagkakasundo.

A smile crept on my lips as I hid in one corner. Matagal ko nang hindi nagagawa 'to dahil sa tuwing hinahatid niya ako pauwi at lunch time ko na lang siya nakakasama.

"Boo!" I jumped to surprise him when he reached their classroom.

I can't help but give a pout when he wasn't fazed at all by my sudden appearance. His composure stayed as if he was expecting this to happen but I knew he was quite a bit stunned because his eyes widened. Tumaas ang makapal niyang kilay at sumilay sa labi niya ang isang ngiti.