Rightfully yours [samfro fanfic]

Part 10

Be aware of the TW's for this chapter, it may be triggering to some!!

Also I recommend the song: 'la petite fille de la mer' it's just an instrumental but i listened to it while writing this chapter and it's got great vibes for this chapter and story!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was another restless night for Frodo. Normally, sadness would overcome him and he'd cry himself to sleep. This was, pretty much, a routine for him. But lately, as much as he tried, not a single tear came out.

Not that he was angry that he couldn't cry or be sad anymore, no. It's just the fact that the cries would feel relieving and he'd find comfort in his sadness. Lately he felt- nothing. So many things laid on his heart but inside he felt like a black hole.

In frustration that this was again happening, he sat up on his bed and stared into the dark. He didn't have a singular idea how to fix this. He was frustrated and angry with himself. How can I be this pathetic to not even cry anymore. The one thing I was good at - crying.

He didn't have a distraction, he couldn't do anything to not think about it. His mind was racing with too many things, but he couldn't feel not one of them. And he so, so desparately wanted to feel them.

He walked up to his bathroom, looking in the mirror. He tried to splash his face a few times but that didn't do much. His eyes wandered around his bathroom, when they stopped at a certain thing.

I promised myself I never would. I was always so certain it would come to everything but that. I don't want this, I know I do but also I do want it. Could it help?

His fingers touched it ever so slightly and after a while of just looking at it and thinking, he picked it up.

It felt like he stared at his shaky hand for an eternity.

He took the protector off and set it carefully on the counter. His hands were shaking like crazy but still not a tear.

First he very cautiously just lighly went over his thigh with the sharp thing. When it did nothing, he tried again a little harder. Still, nothing. Not a visible scratch, not a tear.

He started to get annoyed with himself. In frustration he started going over and over and over his thigh harder each time until he felt a sharper pain, finally actually realising what he was doing. It felt like he was in a trance. It wasn't long until he found out his previous attempts weren't actually that ineffective.

He blankly stared at his leg. His fingers felt the forming bumps. The pain filled him with what he could only describe as a feeling. He finally felt something and it felt good. It felt a little bit more fufilling and even if it was this way, it felt good.

The brunette shakily stood up, put his razor back at its original spot and went to bed.

He was, once again, staring into the darkness. Every once in a while he looked at and felt the cuts. The hobbit felt somewhat of a guilt, like he was doing all this for attention and that he just wanted to show off. Of course, it wasn't true, it was silly to think really but he wasn't going to aknowledge that.

And before he could know it, he dozed off.
______________________________________

,,...hey Mr. Frodo I'm sorry to bother i just think I left my umbrella here and it's raining cats and dogs out there and-"

,,WAIT- uh Sam, could you wait just a minute.." Frodo was panicking, quickly trying to find really anything to cover up. The only thing he had on hand was a really chunky disgusting old blanket but oh well it'll have to do.

As Sam walked into the living room he noticed a weird expression on Frodo's face. It seemed like he was really creepily trying to seem friendly and happy but Sam knew Frodo too well to know that definetly wasn't the case. The disstressed hobbit's hand was gripping akwardly the blanket that he had over him, which Sam couldn't help but wonder about.