Ever since the day with Taylor's brother C.J. happened, I was always nervous or afraid to do more with a guy.
I was at my friend's birthday party one summer after cheer camp at Michigan State University and I told him I was getting chilly and asked if I could borrow a hoddie.
He said sure and we went to his room.
He closed the door behind us and I was really nervous about him closing the door but I didn't say anything.
He grabbed one of his football hoodies and gave it to me then sat on the bed while watching me put it on.
I put it on and in conclusion I realized how tall he really was. I turned towards him and said, "How do I look?" and smiled with arms streched out.
He smiled back and said, "Gorgeous like always." and pulled me in for a kiss, which led me to start panicing.
He noticed and stopped while saying, "Our secret okay?"
I nodded. That's not what I panicked about.
We left the room and went back outside. We were sitting outside on the grass in his front yard and Brandy came up to me asked if I were just making out in his room with him and holding hands. I told her we were and she laughed.
One of His family-friend's daughter said she was cold so he had me go with him and Alyssa to his room to get her a sweater. After she left he closed the door again and turned the light off.
He noticed again how I was starting to panic and he sat me on his bed and started kissing me again.
We ended up making out and I wanted it to be over. He was not a bad kisser, I was just about ready to start screaming because I was scared.
After a few minutes or so, I stood up and made him lay down on the bed. I was starting to get comfortable with him touching me everywhere.
I got on top of him and I felt that he was hard and I smiled. We made out some more and I got tired of being on top so I rolled over and he followed with me.
He started taking the hoodie off and kissed my neck down to my heart and I started breathing very heaving and was panicing even worse than before and made him stop.
I didn't realize during that whole make-out scene that I was already having a hard time breathing and couldn't catch my breath at all.
I ended up yelling at him saying everything was his fault and I hated him.
I left his room and ran outside to the front yard, crying. Thankfully, nobody was in the front.
He came out and asked what just happened. So I explained everything with Taylor's brother and he felt worse about himself.
I apologized for yelling at him and reasurred him that I didn't hate him.
He forgave me and gave me a hug. His mother came to the front yard informing us that everyone was eating and we should eat before she puts the food away.
I cleaned myself up and went with him, hand-in-hand, to get dinner.
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We never dated after that. It never came up and I'm alright with that though. He isn't a bad person, I just was not ready. I needed a little more time. Then we grew away from each other and made sure to tell me that he regretted everything that happened, and inviting me. So we are no longer friends anymore.
