No sleep.
Conversations with my dad.
Dad: "If you guys want to stay at moms go ahead and if she wants to go with you to court that's fine too "
Me: "But the car and the insurance is under your name and I don't have an understanding of what's going to happen or what they're going to ask regarding insurance, because we haven't talked about anything towards the accident or court like you said we would. You said we would take a day to prepare ourselves for this and you'd help me. But I don't know if you've already called the insurance company to see if the lady went to them first before harassing me or if you have done any of the things that mom said had to be done.. but if you don't want to come help me and you're giving up on me, I'll go to mom and ask her for help and hopefully she comes with me and knows how to handle this in court with me.
It's my fault, as well, for not reminding you but you and i have been through a lot already and it's not easy reminding you of things that are of great importance. It took me all morning just to ask you, if we could come over after dinner at mom's and I even asked you if it were okay with you but all you had said was that you had dinner planned. You didn't say if it was okay with you or not and you didn't say anything about us talking on what happened on Monday. You didn't acknowledge the coolant in your car, which i went out and bought some based on what we got last time, because I didn't know if we had any at the house. And you not saying if we did or not.
You got upset with me for not telling you I was sorry and for not telling you I loved you, but how do you think it makes me feel when you don't tell me you love me? Or how it makes me feel that it takes every ounce of courage out of me to ask if it's okay to stay longer or even just simply talk to you? Or To ask if we still have coolant, or to ask if I can go hangout with Kyle or Ariel or Angie or both Ariel and Angie because those three people were all i had left in my life besides my family.
I stayed so long at Kyle's house on Monday because we sat at his kitchen table with his mom, for moral support, and he apologized for his wrongs. For example, the controlling that him and i didn't notice until we got an outsiders point of view. He apologized to me for bashing our family. He apologized to me for hurting me unintentionally. I believed everything he said to me because when you spend days and nights talking or being around the person you care so much about, you learn things. You should know this and feel this when you were with mom or even Jess dad. You know when they're telling the truth or lying to you. You pick up on the little things that they didn't realize. i apologized for what I did wrong as well. Him and I weren't the perfect couple dad and we made mistakes but we admitted our wrongs and fixed them. He really was the one for me regardless of what you or mom or anyone else may have thought.
I respect your opinions but i wish you didn't enforce them like you did when you told me, me and Kyle were done because you felt that was best for me. I wish you would have asked me before you deleted pictures before i had the chance to print them out. Because now i can't get those back. I can't see our good memories anymore because they're gone when i wasn't ready to let go. i wish you asked me if it was okay to block him and delete everything. I wish you just asked to change the wallpaper on the phone. I understand it's your phone, you pay the bill and you can do whatever you want because you're my dad and not my friend, but i wish you took my feelings into consideration sometimes, especially with this because it tore me apart when you said it was done when I didn't want it to be over and I wasn't even remotely ready for this damn heartbreak that i didn't even want or was ready to have but you wanted it and you enforced it.
But Kyle and I talked about how things have been then and his family wanted me to stay a little longer because they haven't seen me over in so long because they know there's problems going on with me and Kyle. Dad, he wants to apologize to you and mom for what was said and done but I told him I didn't think it would help any and I didn't know when a good time would be for you if you even wanted to hear the apology. He's making the effort to try and make things right with not only me, but you and mom. I know you don't care about him or what I feel, but can you please just hear him out with the apology? I believe it'll do us good to hear this. But you obviously don't have to listen to it or even agree to it, I just figured it'd ask in hopes you can see he is trying.
