"You love me?" I spat out in heated anger and shoved him away from me. "When did you start to love me before drugging and raping me or after you killed Yemaya?"
Did he think that saying he loved me would detract from what he's done?
We stare intensely at each other. I waited for him to say some crazy shit so I could punch him in the mouth. Right now, he looks like a wounded puppy.
"It was after I found out you were with Mikhail that night. I was afraid for you and knowing there was nothing I could do at the moment to save you. Waiting it out felt like an eternity. I couldn't sleep that night, but I could finally breathe when my men saw you leave Mikhail's hotel alive. If it were anybody else, I wouldn't have given two fucks, let Mikhail fuck them off in a heartbeat. But when it came to you, Everest, it felt like I might lose my other half." There's panic beyond his eyes.
Seeing Elio Bianchi like this was a sight to fucking see. I wanted to laugh only out of anger and just looking at him, I could see the truth, and that alone would make me have to face any feelings of my own.
"You know, Elio, you're full of shit," I said. "And mentally ill at that. Get the fuck out of my house."
"I'm being open with you. And I'm not open with just anyone." Elio said. "If I didn't care about your sorry ass, I wouldn't have kept paying for your father's treatments this fucking long. I do it out of love for your goddamn ass."
"Thank you," I spoke in a suffocated whisper. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, because if it weren't for you, Elio Bianchi, my pops wouldn't be alive right now. Again, thank you. Now get the fuck out."
And if I weren't in the desperate need to save my pops, I wouldn't have sought out Elio to begin with. But I couldn't lose another parent. You do things when you're in a bind. Scared — without thinking about the consequences when you're giving yourself away to see that the only person you have left got a few more years of their life back to spend with them was worth it—now I regret it.
I was paying for my life with Elio and Mike. Nothing was stopping them from putting a bullet in me. I've made stupid decisions after stupid decisions. People fuck up. You think you're doing the right thing, but it's the wrong thing.
"Listen," Elio said, approaching me. He stands in front of me, his eyes burying into mine, his left hand comes to my waist, gently squeezing my side. "I'm sorry, okay? But I do want to love you completely, and genuinely. I'm willing to forgive your debt-"
"I would rather stick my dick in fire ants than ever be loved by you in any kind of fucking way," I said. "Now this is my last goddamn time asking you to get the fuck out."
Elio gives me a half smile but it's a hurt one. Leaning into me he kissed me above my brow and lingered for a moment. "Be at the office by 7 am." and he leaves.
***
Today I play receptionist for Elio. His receptionist left colorful post-it notes around her desk stuck to the phone, the printer, the computer, and her planner with mini instructions on what I should do. Easy.
Elio comes into the office with coffee for me but doesn't bother speaking to me, which is fine. He said enough yesterday that I could go the rest of my life without needing to hear another word from him. I still couldn't phantom the possibility of Elio Bianchi loving me. It felt more like a game. Because at one point between any of our interactions and conversations, did he possibly think I love Everest?
