𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓰𝓮

Eleanor (1)

My sister has been a light of guidance for me. In contrast, I was playing the role of nothing more than a nuisance in her life. She held the threads of hope for us, clung onto it for dear life. I lost myself, little by little every day. Rosa doesn't have to know, but I don't recognize my part in the story. I don't recognize myself moving mountains or achieving the impossible. Neither fighting demons nor throwing people off guard has been my duty. My purpose is unbeknownst to me. She has been my anchor and while she guided me through every ordeal, I don't know if I can hold the rein to it myself. I followed her trail, enslaved to my selfishness or perhaps some part of me has always felt empty. The presence of our Aunt in our lives filled the bottle of motherly care for us to the brink. I cannot force it upon myself to accept it as is. It shall never cease the want of a family. 

It might be my ungratefulness speaking but I have to build understanding and find common ground with my thoughts for the dust to settle in my head. The mist and the ruins of all clouded my judgment, erasing whatever I already had. However discreetly it may be contained, the warmth I have received in every shape and form is for me to bundle in a precious velvety blanket. Sleep with it, feel it, enhance it, erase the remnants of barrenness. I can not always hold someone, or something responsible for the choices that I make, I need to digest that everyone around me has their own space and timeline they exist. I just need to explore my own. However tough, and edgy it may seem. 

Like a monstrous mountain I need to weave through, the journey may scrape my skin raw but at the end of my trek. I may have an enchanting view to behold, a breath of peace to take in, and feel accomplished. I have hunted for answers, and reasoning and when I am getting all of them. Why is my instinct telling me there is nothing but a dead end ahead? Why do my senses get heightened every time I think something may be clouding my views ahead? Why is uncertainty etching its claws just now? What kind of evil awaits me at the other end, endangering me such I might as well leave these matters? Why do I feel every answer I have wanted is not worth my curiousness digging into? Rosa has done everything that was in her power. It's time I take matters into my own hands. The answer I am looking for might not be worth it but my sister and her dedication is. She has risked her life and is still doing so for our sake. She has a habit of looking out for me. Always.

Providing me protection? Undoubtedly. Depicting the vastness of possibilities? God knows how. Beckoning me toward each possible scenario? To the best of her capabilities. You name it. Never abandoning prospects to 'ifs' and 'buts' when it was about me. Burying weaknesses deep enough never to be found, but only to rot in their flesh, on their road to demise but alive, existing like a thorn engraving scars inside. She did things her way, valiant and dauntless. Pairing it with care, weaved with a shield of love, battling through me and for me. She held out power for me to capture, succumbing her control to me and none else. Once more, she's given me space to gather my wits and enlighten her on the course of my actions. She has taken it upon herself, in the road of accompanying me she has neglected herself more than enough. While her duties were none, she stood as a mother & sister equally for me to rely on. I optioned the moment she asked me to stand with her or part ways away from her and this chase between vengeance, truth, and justice.

Vacating my magnificent room, I made my way back to the kitchen I found a pair of Dante & Rosa heaving, enclosed in the joke of a space in a corner. Rosa flushed against the length of Dante's tall build leaning on the counter. I was retreating just when I saw one of Dante's men heading to the kitchen himself. I waved through the air silently wishing he saw my rushing figure. My wishes were answered because I weirded him out and a frown made its way to his tanned forehead. I motioned him to go away, the gesture he ignored until his eyes landed on the private moment we were invading as equals. A blush unfurled across his high cheekbones which I would have laughed at if I wasn't already feeling the same. 

A TALL GROWN TATTOOED MAN WITH HEAVY MUSCULAR ARMS JUST BLUSHED BEFORE MY EYES? I'm starting to think I've gone senile but that'd be ridiculous because I haven't grown old enough for that. I can't forgive him for bringing me here though, even if Dante was the one to order him, even if Dante and Rosa definitely have something going on. I can't dismiss the fact that they 'adult-napped' us including that young man who just stepped opposite running away. A brooding tsundre frowning grumpy man nowhere equal to a gentleman. As soon as the dust settles I will take my leave in earnest. I want to have no links with the mob family. Our parents may have been a part of it, Dante and his parents may have been a part of all this but I for sure am not. Neither Rosa nor I would have been interested in affiliating with the mafia but it seems she has different opinions. I wouldn't contradict hers but everything is too dangerous, too dark, and definitely not legal. Honestly, I'm dead fretting over my sister's protection if she chooses to stay, if she chooses this way of life. But then it also occurs to me that since Dante knows us being a part of this family some others may be aware as well. You can't just swipe the secrets under the rug if everything is waiting to combust I might as well accept that there is no one more capable than Dante for keeping her safe.