Both Sides Now || Jemily

[1]

Easy they come, easy they go
I jump from the train, I ride off alone

She buttoned her shirt. Twice. Missing out a few buttons on her first attempt meant readjusting them in the mirror. Glancing up at herself and locking eyes in the mirror, she took a long look at herself. She had finalised the offer to join the BAU and was reassuring herself before starting today.

Emily wouldn't consider herself nervous, not more than the next man would be on the first day of a new job but she found this silly. She carried around the weight of her entire life and everything she had been through and yet getting ready for another government job made her nervous enough to poorly button her shirt. She dismissed the clumsiness as 'first-day-jitters' and quickly moved on from this train of thought. Coffee in hand and bag that would be more full on the journey back, she left her quiet apartment. On the way to the BAU unit, Emily felt her eyes flickering whenever she stopped at a red light, her fingers tapping repeatedly on the wheel of her car and the way she shifted her weight in the seat. She had kept herself relatively isolated within recent times due to her ever-changing circumstances in employment and residence. This was the first time in many years she had an opportunity to settle in the same place for a while.

When speaking to Agent Hotchner, she had claimed she belonged to this unit. He had took her display of skills, past qualifications and confidence as gospel; he saw what she could offer to the team and gave her the job. Emily possessed the character it took to work as a profiler alongside Hotchner and the rest of the team, but part of her wonders whether her need to be accepted into this unit had more to do with her need to finally find a family somewhere than it did with finding a suitable job as the next step in her career. She didn't find herself lingering on this thought for too long for fear of finding out which reason caused her to wait in the office and fight for the job that much harder.

Parked in the lot connected to the building, she stayed in the seat behind the wheel just that bit longer. She steadied her breathing as she gripped the wheel. Her head leant far back into the head rest as her eyes stayed shut. With one last sigh, she pulled the sun visor down and took another look at herself in the small mirror encased in leather. She pulled her eyes from below, stretching her eyelids at an attempt to make herself seem more awake and with that small task, she grabbed her close to empty bag and left the car in the basement of the building.

She walked up to the elevator and rubbed her elbow waiting for the ding and subsequent opening of the doors. Once in the elevator, she analysed everything about how she looked. Whether it was to ensure she'd be accepted professionally or otherwise by her coworkers she was yet to meet. Darting her eyes between her plain black wedges, to her plain black pants, to her plain white shirt shortly followed by the plain black blazer on top of that. On the last few minutes of the journey she found herself beginning to spiral, predicting the ways in which she would again be alienated by those around her. Unable to truly shake the feeling, she shook her head side to side while staring at the small ceiling of the elevator that was coming to a halt. One last deep breath before the doors opened to a view of the desks she would find herself calling home.

She stepped out and walked over to the empty desk among the others littered with personal items: families and pets framed on the workspaces, pen pots filled with an assortment of stationary to never be used. Emily placed her bag down on the abandoned desk and couldn't bring herself to sit. Her immediate thought process wills her to greet those she will be working alongside yet none are seen. She avoiding dwelling on this as to avoid anymore anxiety - they must just be busy right now. She grabs the back of her desk chair and pulls it out, before she finally takes a seat she takes one last look up. She sees two people sat in the conference room and decides she should introduce herself as a way to finally have contact with her coworkers.

"I presume Agent Hotchner will be here soon?" She bluntly asks the two blonde women. They both stop their chatting and direct their focus to her. The first to look at her is a woman wearing her hair down with two spikes of hair at the sides of her face where the tips of her pointed glasses rest. She immediately pulls a confused face which quickly turns to a polite smile. "He should be?" She trails off in a lost manner. Emily quickly realises they aren't aware of her new employment among them in the team.

"Agent Prentiss? Jareau. I sent you the protocols the other day, it's good to finally put a face to the name" Emily quickly glances to the other woman. And with a smile, Agent Jennifer Jareau reached a hand over to Prentiss. She had a sweet smile which, as nice as it was, did raise the question in Emily's mind: how is someone so relaxed in this line of work? Finally reaching over the conference table, She shook Agent Jareau's hand. She was still smiling at her and for some reason, Emily abruptly stopped the hand shake early. "This is Garcia, our 'techie'" Jareau quickly shifted the focus to the other blonde at the table. "Hi" She flashed a more confident smile at her this time "I'm Penelope". The awkward silence lingered a bit longer until the two women glanced at eachother again. Breaking the silence, Jennifer invited her to sit at the table and wait for the rest of the team.

She took the seat quickly and quietly, her hands discreetly fidgeting with her pant legs under the table. Agent Jareau stood to the right of her and placed some miscellaneous files in front of her, a collection of remaining protocols and the cases they were both finalising and preparing to take on. She leant over her shoulder and clarified which files held what information. Emily felt very awkward squared away in the chair, she looked up to see Jareau and her blonde hair spilling onto her jacket which prompted a hitch in her breath. She had no idea why other than feeling completely out of the loop. As she looked back to the files in front of her, the other members of the team finally arrived. Hotchner pointed the attention of the team to her, introducing her to the other agents entering the room. She found herself shaking hands with a Derek Morgan but before she could make conversation or even be introduced to the other team member, Agent Hotchner quickly turns the attention to the newest case. She finally relaxed knowing the focus was elsewhere.

After the delivery of the case, she found herself back at that empty desk alone. Her luck still hadn't turned as she still ended up revealing details about herself earlier than she wanted. Weighing up whether revealing what areas of the world she had lived in when she was younger was actually as revealing as it felt, she debated trying to sit at her desk again.

Before she has anymore time left to her devices, she witness a conversation between Hotchner and Gideon as they leave the formers office. She couldn't hear the words they were using but due to the pair turning to look to and from her direction, she safely assumed the topic was her.

Waiting for them to finally acknowledge her, she continued standing at the desk rubbing her hands anxiously. She also worried about what items she would put on her desk, she realised she didn't have many personal artefacts that wouldn't reveal too much of her past. After all, the people she would be surrounding herself with would be able to profile her to the same level as those they sought to catch.

Hotchner finally signalled at her to join the rest of the team to head to the interrogation, she grabbed her bag and joined the team members walking to the jet. One last deep breath before she was plenty of thousands of feet in the air with people she didn't know.

I never grew up, it's getting so old
Help me hold onto you