And it feels like yesterday was a year ago
But I don't want to let anybody knowAfter the initial interviews and observation of the suspect, Emily found herself decompressing at a bar. She was alone as she had known the majority of the team members for less than 24 hours and felt too new to invite them. She sat alone at one of the booths, small enough that it didn't gain the attention of a huge table with empty seats. She mulled over the events of today and her initial impressions of everyone. She felt frosted out by Gideon who was weary of a new team member. Reid also fell into this behaviour too when he was alongside Gideon, but alone he simply remained neutral and quiet. Morgan was more welcoming but it could just be pinned down to simple manners as opposed to comfort with the agent. Hotch and Garcia treated her as a formal coworker with respect to her skills but nothing on the personal side. JJ was the kindest to her so far. She was the communications liaison as opposed to a field agent or a profiler. It was JJ who had quietly whispered to her that Agent Hotchner is mostly referred to as 'Hotch', a simple detail but she was the only one to let her know.
Her attendance on this case wasn't certain at first as it was her fluency in Arabic that had earned her a seat in the team sent out to the interrogation—the first day had seen her working closely with Reid, observing and analyzing the subject while Gideon led the face-to-face interview. She worked hard to prove herself a value to the team but she worried her knowledge of Middle Eastern culture and Islamic customs was quickly overshadowed by the established chemistry of the team; the way the other team members communicated with each other showed the bond between them as well as a deep trust in their knowledge. As much as it made sense for JJ to stay behind the BAU, Prentiss had wished she had come along as now they were done for the day, she found herself alone at the bar with no one to talk to.
She relaxed while showcasing her skills to the team. She understands they were unsure at first and it was only natural- they didn't know her at all. Jumping in with insights and helping the team to put together a thorough profile was no longer new to her. Emily rests her hand against the crook of her face and glares at the drink in front of her, her fingers lightly touching the base. Finding her place within this tight-knit group proved a struggle for her. They all knew each other well and had gone through a lot with each other within the joint time in the BAU and she was just Emily Prentiss, the newest employee of the unit and not yet a friend to any of them.
Profiling herself was a pointless task but she also found herself doing so. Her childhood was plagued with moves from country to country, she never had somewhere to call home truly and so it snowballed into a lack of assurance in herself. In her work, her friends, and her relationships. The only long-term commitment she had aside from her work was a lone plant that sat on the island in her kitchen and even that she doubted she could keep alive long.
A few more drinks later, she found herself deeper into this thought spiral. More alone at the bar now that the few people that were here began to clear out. Her head became heavy and the idea of working again tomorrow worried her. Realising that she needed to shake away this drunkness, she got up from her seat, headed back to the bar, and got herself some water. The person next to her thumbed over a box of cigarettes he had slightly showing from his jacket pocket. He must have noticed her staring as, despite his level of impairment, he took one out and slid it over to her. Without exchanging more than a look of gratitude, she picked it up alongside her water and headed outside.
The sky was still painted black with no sign of the upcoming sunrise and the night was still cold. Emily sat on one of the small metal chairs underneath a proportionally small table and placed the glass on it. She had the cigarette in hand and moved it between each gap in her fingers and then repeated the same action on the opposing hand, Throughout this routine, she contemplated lighting it and smoking. She used to smoke daily and over the years, she had shaken the habit barring certain events. These occasions were rarely due to a positive occurrence, usually due to a shock in her life or times like these where she found herself alone, anxious, and sad. This was more often than she would admit as she was happy to lose the title of smoker. The job came with stress but she never found that enough reason to dip back into the habit unless it was particularly grueling. Despite her moments of weakness, she aimed to never buy more than one box a year, of course, gifts from strangers helped.
The cigarette left her hand and rested between her lips as she dug around for her lighter. She carried it around in case of moments like these. Her phone buzzed as she held her lighter and lit up the dark space around her. An email from JJ. It was nothing more than a summary of the information needed for tomorrow so she quickly saved the document and placed her phone back down. With another notification, she picked it back up. JJ had sent her a photo of Emily's new desk. JJ had placed a small ball of rubber bands and other samples of stationary on the previously empty desk with the captioning text reading 'To help fill out your desk - JJ'.
Emily pulled a small smile and snapped the cigarette into two, drinking a few sips of water and heading back to the hotel for the night, she took another look at the photo. And another. And another.
Cause everybody wants something from me now
And I don't want to let them down
YOU ARE READING
Both Sides Now || Jemily
FanfictionThe BAU is where Emily Prentiss and JJ met. When Emily joined the team she struggled to make bonds with any of the team and chose to latch onto JJ as she had shown her kindness. JJ simply welcomes Emily to the team. Both are unaware of the other's v...