Both Sides Now || Jemily

[2]

You haven't been good for long
Is it the sound of your own thoughts

The sun was finally coming up after a long night in the office. JJ had been at the BAU unit throughout the entire night, by accident, reviewing possible cases for the team to consult on. She sat in the conference room alone for those hours switching between sitting at the empty round table and pacing alongside it. In recent times her life had been alternating between pacing in the BAU unit sifting through graphic case details and lying in bed at home reliving these details. The job had a lot to offer in terms of rewards; in her time working alongside the team of profilers she had seen many children reunited with their parents, victims seeing their attackers brought to the law. The downside was almost everything else that came with the job. The graphic scenes, the paranoia from understanding that no one is immune to these types of crimes. It plagued her thinking constantly.

And so she remained in the conference room alone, too overwhelmed to bring this week's set of anxieties back to her quiet home. It was just JJ at home alone when she finally found herself leaving the office. She would go back and forth in her mind whether that bothered her too much. JJ yearned for someone else in the house, a figure that would cook dinner for the two, that would keep the other side of the bed warm, and someone to ask about her day. All of these thoughts remained faceless in her mind which she happily accepted meant she wasn't ready for a commitment like that and she would toss the thought out of her head. Still sitting alone in that conference room. All alone.

After many hours of organising the files and placing them in the empty seats of the table, Garcia walked in. She sang a simple "Hellooo" which instantly brought a smile to JJ's face. Her first sample of interaction since the rest of the team said goodbye the night before. The two spoke about anything and everything outside of the details of their jobs; Penelope bragged about her solid 8 hours of sleep and JJ responded with friendly jealousy. The two had been close since last year's outing in an attempt to bond as some of the team's youngest members. The pair sat across from each other, Garcia choosing to remain seated once she chose a seat while JJ opted to continue switching between seated and pacing.

JJ's fatigue caught up with her as she phased Garcia's ramblings out in her mind and she froze on the spot, jumping to a stand. "Everything okay there, partner?" Garcia questions with some sense of seriousness despite the accent she applied to the word 'partner'. Stumbling over her words, JJ excuses herself to grab the pair of them coffee which Penelope quickly thanks her for. Walking out of the room letting a deep sigh, JJ tries to sharpen her mind. She is pinning the haziness in her mind on the fact that she hasn't slept for a long time instead of overthinking about the solitude she faces in the four walls of her own home. Sure enough, if she gave this train of thought much attention, she may learn details about her anxieties she doesn't want to deal with yet she opts to push them away again. She walks to the old coffee machine in the bullpen of desks. While pouring two cups of bland and bitter coffee, she finally calms her thinking and agrees with herself that she should return to the conference room and greet Garcia as if she hadn't just shot up to her feet in a state of panic.

JJ walks back into the room to see it is still empty aside from Garcia as she places the cup on the round table in front of her. "Thank you JJ" Penelope mumbles into the cup she lifts to meet her lips instantly as JJ walks to the display board. Ensuring that the display board is switched on and ready to use, she checks her watch which reads a time that usually means this room is full of the rest of the team. As she turns around with the copies of the upcoming case that she will place in the empty seats of the table in anticipation of people's arrival, a new face walks in.

"I presume Agent Hotchner will be here soon?" The woman asks. Caught off guard, JJ flashes a glance at the woman, unsure of who she could be. She notices this woman darting her eyes between her and Garcia as we continue to stay in the awkward silence after she speaks. Immediately anxious again after bringing herself back to calm, JJ turns her attention to Garcia who catches her eye and hopefully picks up on her hint. Garcia turns back to the woman standing awkwardly in the doorway and finally breaks the silence. "He should be?" She answers, sounding completely unsure of herself. Still feeling the tension in the room, JJ glances back down to her watch to both avoid eye contact and to check just how late the rest of the team is. Her heart sank and she realised who was standing at the door. The newest team member she was made aware of earlier in the week.

"Agent Prentiss? Jareau. I sent you the protocols the other day, it's good to finally put a face to the name" She pushed the words out, cringing at almost everything she just said. Meeting eyes again with Prentiss, she reached over the part of the table that separates the two and offered her hand as a greeting. Prentiss seemed nervous to shake her hand and seemed to hesitate; JJ knew this would continue to play on her mind as she temporarily brushed it off. Trying to set her at ease since she pushed her hand over a second ago, she put a smile across her face to which Agent Prentiss finally reached her hand back to her. Shaking her hand, JJ finally sees the details of her appearance. Prentiss was quite pale with dark irises. Her dark straight hair framed her structured face. The longer she looked at Prentiss, the more she realised she envied her looks but regardless she pulled a tighter smile. The handshake ended and JJ decided to finally introduce the only other team member present.

"This is Garcia, our 'techie'" JJ immediately became embarrassed at the word 'techie'. She rolled the thought around in her head; a new member of the team and she instantly showed she was embarrassing and awkward to be around. While unraveling this spiral in her mind, Prentiss and Garcia are greeting each other. When it becomes quiet after their introductions, JJ retakes the lead, inviting Prentiss to make herself comfortable at the round table while they wait for the rest of the team to arrive. Once Prentiss sat opposite Garcia, JJ picked up the files they had stored in this room. A small collection of cases they have closed and the upcoming case. She carried the files and placed them in front of Prentiss. She held her head hovering over Agent Prentiss sat at the table and took extra care not to breathe loudly as she was close to her. JJ quickly glossed her hand over the files on the table and started detailing what each meant before Hotch appeared at the door. Prentiss looked up and caught Hotch's gaze as he finally introduced her to the other team members alongside him. Derek walks in and is introduced to Emily as JJ puts aside the files she just brought out. Turning to the screen and preparing to recite the details of the newest case, she hears Hotch bring an end to the introductions.

JJ always kept a tough lid on her spiraling anxieties when it came down to working as part of the team, she couldn't let it slip in evidence to a team of profilers that she struggled with such things. She couldn't be seen as weak to her coworkers she had known for years as it painted her too vulnerable and she couldn't reveal this side of her to Agent Prentiss as she knew nothing about her aside from her name and role in the team, it was too much in a short sitting. This spiral of thoughts also meant that she couldn't have anyone know her true feelings as she either knew them too well or not well enough. As if on autopilot, JJ began informing the team of the details of the case they would be working on and everything went as usual. Aside from Prentiss' involvement being apparent; She revealed her ability to communicate and understand Arabic fluently. Such a random trait a person could have was strangely very interesting, the lack of an obvious link between English and Arabic begged the question that she answered with prompt. Agent Prentiss gave a quick answer stating she grew up in Middle Eastern countries for a portion of her life which made JJ ponder. Sharing information about her life came so easily to her and it begs the question as to what else she has hidden about herself that she wouldn't reveal too quickly. Breaking her thoughts, she returned her focus to the screen as she clicked it off and waited on Hotch's announcement of when they would be traveling.

That always keeps you up at night?
Maybe it's time to say goodbye