finding ourselves again

chapter 3

       Bella pov

I kept hitting the damn fucking steering wheel. How can he trust me like that with his life and not forgive me for what I did?

I started crying again. Stay by Miley Cyrus on my cd and I turned it up all the way and turned on my walkie and I restarted the song over and pressed the button on the walkie as I song the song to how I felt.

Well, it's good to hear your voice, I hope you're doing fine
And if you ever wonder, I'm lonely here tonight
I'm lost here in this moment and time keeps slipping by
And if I could have just one wish, I'd have you by my side
Oh-oh, I miss you
Oh-oh, I need you
And I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed, no one could take your place
It gets harder every day
Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me, I will stay
I will stay
Well, I try to live without you, but tears fall from my eyes
I'm alone, and I feel empty, God, I'm torn apart inside
I look up at the stars, hoping you're doing the same
And somehow I feel closer, and I can hear you say
Oh-oh, I miss you
Oh-oh, I need you
I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see, your face
Nothing's changed, no one could take your place
It gets harder every day
Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me, I will stay
I will stay, always stay
I never want to lose you and if I had to, I would choose you
So stay, please always stay
You're the one that I hold on to 'cause my heart would stop without you
I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed, no one could take your place
It gets harder every day
Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry that it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me, I will stay
I will stay
I'll always stay
And I love you more than I did before
And I'm sorry that it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask, I will stay
I will stay
I will stay

I threw the walkie and covered my mouth with the back of my hand as my lips trembled as I completely lost it.

But I just kept on driving and Jack came and laid his head on my lap and I automatically started petting him.

Mason needed to know how I felt I at least owed him that.

I was truly sorry! I fucked up with him and I knew it!

That's what hurts the fucking most. I couldn't let him touch me or nothing until he really forgave me.

Plus I didn't really know if he did have sex with someone else or not and the way he's been acting with me or the way both been acting towards each other.

I just couldn't! My heart belongs to him and him only! That's a fact!

I guess I had the song on repeat and I tried to change it.

"COME THE FUCK ON CHANGE YOU STUPID FUCKING THING!" I started hitting the damn fucking radio and then I got beyond furious with the god damn thing and ripped it out and rolled down the fucking window and whipped it out of fucking window.

"YOU FUCKING WON'T WORK I WILL MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T WORK PERMANENTLY! TAKE THAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT RADIO!" I was beyond furious and I started speeding up now and floating through gears.

I needed speed now! I didn't have my safe place and I was tracking it again.

I put the light on top of the truck and I started whipping around vehicles.

Mother fuckers better stay out of my fucking way! I was on a fucking mission again.

No music to fucking distract me.