Manual Of The Forbidden - Ryeji

Chapter 34

She used to tell me that she and I were right for each other, but how could I be sure? Was it right to trample over Lia's already shattered heart? To live with guilt eating away at me? Or what was the right thing to do?

I felt like my head was going to explode.

I took a taxi to go to the hotel, but instead, I asked the driver to take me to Central Park. I didn't feel like locking myself in a room suffocating myself. I needed to clear my head, sort out my thoughts. I hadn't finished things when I left London; Lia's broken heart continued to haunt me, even more than Ryujin.

But, wasn't this what I wanted? To have Ryujin for myself and for her to love me? But how much did she really love me?

I got out of the taxi and walked to an empty bench. This wasn't like the parks in London, but it was similar. I found one not too far away and sat down; the cold metal sent a shiver through my skin upon contact.

I held my head in my hands as the breeze brushed against me. I could see Ryujin in my future, but Lia was a part of my whole life; there lay that damn dilemma again, was it never going to end? Was there even a solution?

I sobbed quietly. What did I want? I wanted to be happy with Ryujin and would give my life to share it with her, but Lia's ghost was still there, not letting me move forward. Even though Lia was far away now, wasn't she? What could I lose now? But was it really worth it? I wanted to know how much Ryujin loved me, if she loved me as much as I loved her and if this was worth the risk.

It got late; amid contemplation and dilemmas, silence painted its twilight. I knew it was better to leave now. And even though time had passed, I didn't want to think that Ryujin might have stopped chasing me this time. What if she did? I couldn't handle so many doubts anymore; tomorrow I would return to Seoul, and if Ryujin didn't show up again, then maybe she didn't care as much as she said.

I took another taxi to go back to the hotel, it was already eight thirty in the evening. I prayed to the heavens for a sign, anything that would indicate whether taking the risk was worth it. Something that would tell me Lia would be okay no matter what decision I made.

At that moment, I thought of something that hadn't crossed my mind: Yuna.

But as soon as I thought of her name, a barrage of questions flooded in response. Did Ryujin already know that her sister was in love with Lia? Was Yuna still in love with Lia? What did she do after she went after her that time...? What had happened with them now? The last thing I knew was what Winter had told me, but that didn't answer much. Nothing, really.

—Here it is,— I pointed out to the taxi driver as I saw the hotel. I paid and then got out of the car.

Several hours had passed. I didn't know what had happened with my presentation, with Ryujin, I didn't know anything. I chuckled at the thought that both times I had presented the exhibition, I had fled before the end. Poor Eunwoo, I had to make it up to him somehow.

I went up to my room, planning to call him. He was my only informant for everything.

I swiped the card to open the door, and the warmth of my room instantly enveloped me. On the elegant olive-green carpet covering the floor, there was a wide rectangular envelope with my name on it. I closed the door and bent down to pick it up, curious.

It was thin and light; whatever was inside was just cardboard or some hard paper. I opened it, even more curious than before, and when I pulled out its contents, I finally saw what it was.

There were a couple of photographs, just two. My heart raced with those familiar and loving beats. In the first photograph, there was a word that had been captured in some business, like the signs or posters that stuck to the windows or hung from above the entrance. The second was taken with some romantic Valentine's Day decoration, and there was my sign. Together they said: