Buhos na Ulan, Aking Mundo'y Lunuring Tuluyan

Chapter 11 - I Don't Know What to Say

—AIAH—

As usual, hindi naman ako puwedeng mag-leave ng work para lang iwasan yung boss ko. Operations in the bakery went on as usual. But this time, I was sick. Well, kasalanan ko rin naman maglakad ba naman ako sa ulan.

If before awkward na kami ni Mikha, mas lalo ngayon. Hindi ko na rin alam how to act in front of her. I don't want to see her as much as possible, but my current circumstance doesn't permit me that. I cannot leave nor switch jobs; ilang months pa lang ako dito, and napamahal na rin naman ako sa mga kasama ko dito, especially kay Sir Lauren.

I dragged myself through the day, trying to focus on my tasks despite the pounding headache and the chills running down my spine. The scent of freshly baked bread filled the air, usually a comfort, but today it felt overwhelming.

"Mikha, okay ka lang ba?" Sir Lauren asked, his brow furrowed with concern as he noticed my pale face.

"Opo, sir. Medyo masama lang po pakiramdam ko," I replied, forcing a smile.

"Baka kailangan mo muna magpahinga. Kaya naman naming i-handle ito," he suggested gently.

"Salamat po, sir, pero kaya ko pa," I insisted, not wanting to be a burden.

Throughout the day, I tried to avoid Mikha, but our paths inevitably crossed. Each encounter was a painful reminder of our unresolved issues and the complicated feelings between us.

As the day wore on, my condition worsened. By closing time, I could barely stand. Sir Lauren noticed and insisted I go home.

"Magpahinga ka muna, Mikha. Kami na ang bahala dito," he said, his tone firm but kind.

With a heavy heart and an aching body, I finally conceded and left the bakery. The walk home felt like an eternity. The rain from last night seemed to linger in the air, a constant reminder of my folly.

When I got home, I collapsed onto my bed, hoping sleep would bring some relief. But as I drifted off, my thoughts kept circling back to Mikha, and the tangled mess of emotions between us.

Despite the sickness and the awkwardness, there was a small part of me that clung to hope. Maybe, just maybe, we could find a way to untangle the knots and find some semblance of peace.

...

Weeks passed, Mikha and I doesn't talk to each other. She rarely goes to the shop also. I also see her car go inside and outside the factory. Sometimes, I get a glimpse of her when she steps outside her office to her with her other employees.

Well, I cannot blame her for acting that way. Pero deep inside me, I do miss her. I want to talk her and clear things out. Siguro may fault rin ako kasi I didn't let her explain much and I shut her down agad. But then again, she kissed someone else, so ano pa bang explanation ang gusto ko.

...

Weeks passed, and Mikha and I barely spoke to each other. She rarely came to the shop, and I only saw her car going in and out of the factory. Sometimes, I caught a glimpse of her stepping outside her office to talk with her other employees.

I couldn't blame her for acting that way. Pero deep inside me, I missed her. I wanted to talk to her and clear things out. Siguro may fault rin ako kasi I didn't let her explain much and I shut her down agad. But then again, she kissed someone else, so ano pa bang explanation ang gusto ko?

Every time I saw her, a mix of emotions swirled inside me—anger, hurt, and a longing to return to the way things were. It was confusing and exhausting. I often found myself replaying our last conversation, wondering if I had overreacted or if there was more to the story.

...

As I was walking towards my apartment, I noticed a familiar car parked in front. I tried not to assume or entertain my gut feeling, but I still walked towards the entrance.

"Aiah," someone called my name—the voice I had been longing to hear.

I stopped and turned to see Mikha.

"Can we talk?" she blurted out.

"What more do we need to talk about?" I replied, trying to appear strong and indifferent, even though I wanted to talk to her.

"Marami. Please?" she pleaded.

"Follow me," I surrendered. She closed the door of her car and followed me upstairs to my apartment.

"Don't judge me; my apartment isn't pretty," I warned her as I put the key in the doorknob.

"I couldn't care less," she responded. Having her close to me again made my heart race.

We entered, and I let her go through. I asked her to sit on the couch and to keep quiet.

Mikha followed my orders obediently. She was obviously curious about her surroundings.

"It's not bad," she commented on my apartment.

"Thank you," I replied softly.

I put down my things and pulled some juice from the fridge to offer her. "So, boss, ano pong kailangan mo?" I asked while placing the drink in front of her. I stood there, arms folded, staring at her.

She seemed tense and stared at me for a while.

"First of all, I'm sorry. For everything," she started. "For making things awkward and difficult for you at work. For confusing you and your feelings, and for you seeing me kiss someone else." She looked sincere and tense.

I took a deep breath, grabbed a chair, and sat in front of her. "Go on," I told her.

"The kiss, yes, that was my ex, Maloi. I didn't intentionally kiss her. She kissed me, and it caught me by surprise. I wanted to tell you that night that it didn't mean anything. I no longer have feelings for her. Please believe me," she said.

I sat quietly, still looking at her.

"Second, I didn't run after you that night because I was still confused. I know I have feelings for you, but I couldn't say it outright because I didn't know if I could stand by it," she continued.

"And work... I decided to ignore you because I wanted to give you the space you deserve. I didn't want to disturb or pressure you. I didn't want to force you to quit and look for a job elsewhere. Most of all, I had to be professional," she confessed.

"And lastly, we both know it's company policy to avoid relationships within the company. I was under a lot of pressure and didn't want to add another complication. I didn't want to give you hope when in the end, I might not be able to catch you," she added.

"If that's the case, what are you doing here? To simply say sorry? Okay, sige na, okay na ko," I told her and stood up.

As I stood, she held my hand.

"Hindi pa ko tapos, please sit?" she begged.

I sat down again, looking at her with pain in my eyes and a hint of annoyance because I wasn't getting anything positive from this conversation.

"But as the weeks went by, just seeing glimpses of you and not being able to talk to you, it kills me, Aiah. You've already altered my life, and I don't want to live in a world without you in it," she confessed.

"I like you, Ms. Aiah Arceta, and this time, I'm willing to stand up and break the rules just to be with you," she confessed, and I froze in my seat.

I blinked a couple of times, trying to process if this was really happening.

"Uhh, I don't know what to say, Mikha," I blurted out, avoiding her eyes and looking anywhere else.