Twists and Turns in Monte Carlo: A Formula 1 Affair

{10.5}

He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back, she lost her balance and fell back on him. Toto only let a short "oof" escape his lips and then pressed a kiss to her temple.

"You are awful, Mr. Wolff. I need a cigarette, I am not bailing on you." Her tone was tired, still searching for her voice. The air was heavy, the secret desires and smell of sex lingering amongst them.

His hand laying on her stomach, the other twisting the strands of hair falling into her face. Carefully he followed the shape of her glowing face, removing the little sweat droplets of her nose. 

"You had a lip piercing?", he chuckled questionably into the room, not really directing the question towards her. 

Joanne stretched out her arm and quickly grabbed a cigarette before she turned around, her nipples brushed his chest and she put the cigarette between her swollen lips. "Yes", she mouthed, then inhaled deeply pushing the smoke in his face.

He carefully picked up the cigarette and took a drag as well, but had to cough slightly, which brought a grin to Joanne's face. "We've been sharing cigarettes for so long now and you still can't stand them?"

Toto just rolled his eyes. "I was a sportsman, smoking was never in my repartoir." Her eyes wandered from his face up to the stuccoed hotel ceiling.

"Yeah. I had a wild phase in the past."

Toto smirked even more, making her look down at him again. "Past, Schatz?"

"Lip piercing, eyebrow piercing, black hair, the whole nine yards."

"Please, please show me photos," he kissed her forehead, "I would die to see those."

Joanne smirked, taking another drag of her cigarette. "If you think you can handle it. I looked like a rebellious punk princess."

Toto's eyes gleamed with amusement and curiosity. "I can handle it. Besides, I love every version of you."

Joanne exhaled a plume of smoke, her eyes locking onto his. "I'll dig them out for you sometime. But only if you promise not to laugh too hard."

"I promise," he said, his voice softening. "I'm sure I'll love them."

She leaned in, kissing him deeply, the taste of smoke lingering on their lips. "You better. I was quite the sight back then and I was more cocked up than anything else."

Toto's eyes widened slightly, concern flickering across his face. "Coked up?" he repeated, his thumb gently brushing against her cheek.

Joanne sighed, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. "Yeah, I had a serious drug problem when I was younger. It was a dark time in my life. I got into some really bad stuff, and it almost ruined me."

Toto's thumb moved to her wrist, tracing over the faint scar. "These? Ive noticed them before but I didn't have the courage to speak up."

She let out a faint sight. "Rich kids with too much money. I told you I was at a boarding School in England, right?" Toto nodded, following her every word.

"I - I do not have a good relationship with my mother. My father left me too soon, so my grandmother took the burden of raising me on herself. She - I, She tired to provide me with the most beautiful childhood possible, yet I thought drugs would help me faster. First pills, then coke - in the end even harder stuff. It ended with a mental breakdown and slit my wrists in the upstairs library in my grandmothers house. A maid saw me, so it was not so tragic after all, but I ruined an ancient Persian carpet with it. So rule in the house, no suicide on the upper floors."

She chuckled nervously, trying to play it cool, but the look in his eyes clearly showed her, that it is not possible to do that right now. 

He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "You're incredibly strong, you know that?"

She gave him a small smile, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "I don't feel so strong sometimes."

"To me you are."

"I was a terrible person back then. Selfish, I thought the world was that bad only for me. I put my family though so much, thats why I am not a big sharer.

"You were not a terrible person. You were a child. There's a difference. You know", he tried to shift the theme to a lighter topic, "it's very obvious you grew up in England, Jo."

She raised an eyebrow. "It is?"

"Yeah, your accent a mess of British English and American English. In Europe you tent a bit more towards the British, you use the metric system, always causing massive confusion and you have this little eye twitch when you see someone drink tea." 

Joanne laughed, the sound both light and a little dry. "Guilty as charged. But let's not pretend you Austrians don't have your quirks. Like your obsession with punctuality. Relax, darling, the world won't end if you're five minutes late."

Toto chuckled. "Touché. But it's not just me. You've seen Lewis when he's late for a race briefing."

She smirked, her dry humor coming to the fore. "True. He looks like he's about to face a firing squad. But you have to admit, there's a certain charm in being fashionably late."

"Perhaps," Toto agreed, his thumb still gently rubbing her wrist. "But I prefer being on time for you."

"How sweet," she teased, leaning in for another kiss. "You know, I appreciate that you're here with me, listening to all this."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he said, his voice sincere.

"Someone, somewhere can you understand me a little, love me a little?"

Toto raised an eyebrow questionably. "Sounds poetic. I thought you do not like that kind of stuff?" 

The blond woman frowned. "It's what I wanted my gravestone to say. My favorite quote from my favorite author, Sylvia Plath." 

Toto's expression softened. "That's... interesting. Sylvia Plath, huh? You surprise me every day."

Joanne shrugged, a hint of a smile on her lips. "She understood pain and beauty in a way few people do. Her words resonate with me."

They lay there, wrapped in the comfort of each other's presence, the room dimly lit by the soft glow of the bedside lamp. Toto's hand rested on Joanne's waist, his thumb gently stroking her skin. The intimacy between them was palpable, an unspoken understanding that transcended words.

"I like learning these things about you," Toto murmured, his voice low and thoughtful. "It makes me feel like I'm understanding you better."

Joanne turned her head to look at him, her eyes reflecting a mixture of vulnerability and strength. "It's strange, isn't it? After all we are nothing more or less than we choose to reveal."

<3

The next day, Joanne long gone already on her way back to New York, Toto wanted to put away his Laptop as he found a little post it sticking on it. eternity bores me, I never wanted it ~ s.p.

Joannes handwriting, the small letters, everything written in lower case letters. It looks like it was written in a hurry. He remembered she left him one as well in Dubai. He quickly dug the note out of his wallet, not knowing what she meant at the time. It was written in the same indistinct handwriting: and so it seems I must always write you letters that I can never send ~s.p.