I Can't Go Home, Anymore.

I. To You, Whom I Used To Call "Home"

"To You, Whom I Used To Call 'Home'"

To you, a shining star that brought light to my darkest nights,
To the source of warmth that used to embrace me on my coldest days,
To the safe zone that used to comfort my soul,
And to the person whom I used to call "home",

I loved you more than I thought it was possible to love anyone...

The sound of your voice remains music in my ears
The smile on your face remains as one thing that keeps me going.
Iʼve left, but know that Iʼm still here.
Holding on to your photographs, watching the collection of your films.

... but I'm sorry that you had to see me go.

Afraid that I might break you as I hold you,
Just exactly as how I broke everything Iʼve touched before.
Love, I don't want your heart to get broken or turn into ash.
I left hoping you'd find someone who won't drain your being.
If I had stayed, I know you'll only suffer from the pain I might bring.

To you, whom I used to call 'home', I'm sorry I couldn't be the one to bring an everlasting joy. I'm sorry that I pushed you away and I'm sorry I made you cry when I promised not to. I still love you and I will always love you. But loving you doesn't always mean I have to be close to you. I can't be too close 'cause I'm afraid that I might hurt you. To you, a home I can't now go to, I hope I did not hurt you as much as it hurts me to go my way without you. I hope you continue to bring warmth to the ones that deserves it. I will forever wish you joy and peace in your life. I hope you continue to wear the prettiest smile. And I hope that you forgive me for choosing to leave you than to stay with you.

🌻