Attacca ─ Five Hargreeves

27. Hitorijanai

It was truly her fault, she should have known. Because, God, every time it happened again and again, it hollowed out another fresh wound inside. And it presumably wouldn't heal, it couldn't, not even with the amount of power she had. For her, there was nothing more afflictive than being lied to, being betrayed by your own family. But it made her wonder; what had she actually done? Had she hurt someone before? Why did this keep happening to her? She kept trying to be a good person, to help, to heal, she created a handmade heaven for as many people as possible, so why did she have to be the one to bear the blame for everything?

Nikolai lied again.

The whole affair seemed normal to occur, a pattern that was already ingrained. Like plaque, it was intricate to abrade. Was it certifiably in their blood? They might not be related, but they had taken on a semblance of each other. Under the same roof, within the grand building, observing each other's decorums, words, endeavours, picking out respective routines, getting a load of every last one's derelictions, it should have been enough to make them as one, to make them family. So what made it different? Coming from another timeline was no excuse, she was still her. The daughter, the sister, the best friend. Or was she not good enough?

Lied again.

If anything, she never claimed herself to be good, but she tried to be enough. It might have led her to survival, it might put her in a safe place. For forty-five years, half her mind was dedicated to grinding her abilities, because she knew the Kilday matriarch would be proud in her grave if her little girl could draw on resurgence to the barren land. And then, she convinced herself that she was made for something more, she was more than enough. Why couldn't her own brother perceive that? She was valuable, she was not weak. Any poison would have a hard time slowing down her heartbeat, she was built diversely. The transmittal might be fast, but the parapet within her was stronger.

Again.

The girl fluttered her eyes open, blurry and bewildered. The air gushed in a rush through her nostrils and into her lungs, each limb inside sluggishly cranking up to function, yet the pain remained. The continual fatal attacks of the toxin had left a montage of effects, causing her to be exhausted from the slightest motion, her movements stiff to the point of requiring more effort to even fidget her fingers. She didn't try to change position, lying on her back staring at the pallid ceiling was a decompression she might not get again for the next few hours. She kept thinking she was as good as dead hours prior, if she were normal she would have been, apparently. But then, a new bubble had formed on the other side of her mind, so little it fairly missed by her, until this very moment.

Nikolai Kilday is a liar.

And she was left wondering if her abilities were a miracle or a curse for the fact that the power was futile in this case, because for flagrant reasons, what he did hurt more than the contagion that was corroding within, what he did was laborious to alleviate for coon's age, not even her distinct talent could handle. Until the last thought put forth, she heaved a sigh and realised she was no longer in the office in the theatre. It was more like a plain guest bedroom, but it wasn't her house, the faint whispers proved so. She blinked her eyes slowly, tilting her head to peek at the slightly ajar door.

"If you're talking about me, please come inside and do it here."

The whispers stalled almost instantly, they were probably swapping decrees through eye contact or hand gestures, typical of stirrings after being routed out. Nothing changed for a few minutes, the door did not budge, the tattles discontinued, and everything around became dead silent. For a moment there, she was almost certain the people had chosen to leave, she didn't bother calling them out, she just went back to staring at the ceiling until the door creaked open. She could swear that if her brother had let her live, he would have let the Handler take her, either to hold her hostage or to kill her. There was no way he was going to spare her when he had disliked her presence so much in the first place, but then she remembered.