Bambi and Thumper

Frosh

"What have we got here?" Spike's roar rang in the confines of the downstairs boy's room. Standing next to him was Butch–his drinking buddy.

It was every freshman's worst nightmare—caught with their nickers down and not a teacher in sight. This was indeed a poor augury for the end of the first day of high school.

Terry and Alan didn't know each other—and didn't want to know each other. Each one's most fervent hope was that the man-eaters would find the other more palatable and, in that way, might escape unscathed.

"Excuse me," Alan squeaked, trying to scurry by the bullies while they eyed Terry.

Butch slammed him into the porcelain wall with one meaty paw. "I don't think so."

Terry was glad he'd just taken a leak otherwise he might have had a little accident.

"God, I can't believe it!" Spike sneered, shaking his head.

"What?" Butch said, easily confused.

"Somehow these two little girls wandered into the men's lavatory. Can you believe it?"

"Maybe they was just looking for a little action."

"That must be it."

"This one here," Butch said, scrunching the front of Alan's shirt in an oversized fist, "Is shaking like rabbit."

"Please—"

"From now on you're Thumper. Say it."

"I'm..."

"Say it!" The weight of Butch's palm nearly caved in Alan's narrow chest.

"I'm Thumper."

"And you!" Spike roared.

Just the force of that bark drove Terry into the wall, his eyes big, round, and scared shitless.

"Just like a deer caught in the headlights. So, you must be Bambi."

"Bambi?"

Terry and Alan found themselves huddled together in the corner–both the seniors looming over them.

"Say hello to each other now," Spike gloated.

"They call me Thumper," Alan said.

"And I'm Bambi."

The two freshmen clung to one another like each was the other's life preserver.

"Now here's the rules round these parts girls," Spike said, all serious. "You two are best girlfriends now. Never one without the other."

"Yes sir," Alan nodded.

"You forget who you are you're dead meat."

"Don't forget that Bambi," Alan counseled Terry.

"Oh, I won't Thumper."

"We've got spies everywhere," Butch sneered. "You make one mistake. You're dog meat."

"Yes sir," Alan said.

"I won't sir," Terry added.

"Now repeat after me now," Spike grinned smugly. "Every day in every way..."

"Every day in every was..." Alan and Terry repeated together.

"I'm getting prettier and prettier."

"I'm getting prettier and prettier."

"Again!"

"Every day in every way I'm getting prettier and prettier."

"And keep saying that and thinking that." Then Spike said Butch left.

Five minutes later the petrified pair of freshmen figured they could stop. That's also when they let go of each other.

"Do you think they meant it?" Terry asked.

"Me for one, am not taking any changes Bambi."

"Nor I Thumper."

"Okay," Alan said. "Just because we have to pretend to be girlfriends don't think we're friends. I don't need anybody. Especially anyone as pathetic as you."

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry all right. And if I didn't sincerely believe those guys were going to kill me dead, I'd never agree to any of this. You may be a queer–but me? I'm a hundred percent red-blooded American."

"Me too!" Terry squeaked.

"Sure, you are Sweet Biscuits. Until these guys find fresher prey we'll play along."

"I know the routine," Terry agreed, looking woeful–something he did very well.

"Outside of school I never want to see your pitiful puss. But while we're here you stick to me like glue. You got it."

"I'm so sick of this," Terry moaned. "Here I was hoping that at least in high school people would be nice enough to just leave me alone."

"Nice! Listen Bambi, life sucks–then you're dead."

"I guess you're right, Thumper."

"I'll take you to my house now, so you know where it is. Be sure to be there each and every morning. Got it?"

"Sure, every morning."

"Don't worry Bambi," Alan said, uncomfortable with being nice. "Brain-dead zombies like that get bored really quick. In no time at all we'll be in the clear."

"I hope you're right."