Forbidden Feelings

The Date

   "So, where do you want to go?"

   "Have you ever been to Milly's cafe?" I shake my head no. I've heard of it, I've never been there but it is supposed to be good. We are in his car and pull into the small parking lot.

   He studies my face, "hey, if there is anything I can do to help, I will." I nod at his kind words, "I know. Thank you."

   We are seated down almost immediately at a booth that gives us a perfect view of the other small stores around us. There is gold sells which is a jewelry shop and next to it is books barn, my favorite store within a 15 mile radius. The waitress comes over and gets our drink orders and when she comes back I see Cole, he looks around then his eyes meet mine and he walks straight to where Noah and I are seated, "hey, storms rolling in, Josh told me to come get you." I roll my eyes, "we haven't even ordered food yet."

   "I don't care. Josh told me to come get you, let's go." I shake my head at him and his eyes turn black, he grabs my hand and pulls me from my seat and I apologize to Noah who shrugs. When we make it out to Josh's car, Cole holds the door open for me. I plop down in the passenger seat and stare out of the window. I can feel his eyes on me. "Why exactly did Josh tell you to come get me?" He ignores my words and keeps driving. "If you are going to be an asshole than you can stop the car here and I can walk."

   Silence, "I'm over the toxic masculinity shit. You can either talk or pretend I don't exist the rest of the trip." He pulls off to the side of the road and stops the car, staring at me, "are you done?"

   What does that mean? Done being pissed off that I have been abandoned by everyone. No. I'm not thanks. I roll my eyes and he grips my chin, "knock it off princess." 

   I try to rip my face away from his grip, "don't fucking start Cole." He lets go and laughs, "you need laid princess." 

   I know damn well he didn't just say that to me. I can feel my cheeks heat up and I slump in my seat. Speeding back to the house, Josh is sitting on the front steps and tapping his foot. I get out of the car and Josh stands up holding a package. "Mom told me to give you this." I roll my eyes, "thanks."

   "Listen, I know you're upset, but I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong."

   "Everything. Okay? Everything is fucking wrong!" I feel tears start to roll down my cheeks, "you're not you anymore, I'm not me anymore. I grew up and so did you, Cole is being weirdly nice and isn't even being as much of a prick as you are." He ruffles his hair and wipes his face with his hand, "you're right. I'm sorry." 

   I begin unwrapping the gift and I see a book. Not just any book, a book that I already own two copies of, 'dark and shallow lies'. 

   "Here," I shoved the book against his chest and took off upstairs. It's sad that my own mother doesn't even realize that I read that book at the dinner table for an entire week, oh wait. She wasn't there. She was more worried about everybody else than me. 

knock-knock-knock

   "Who is it?"

   "Housekeeping," my brother makes his voice to resemble a woman's and I smile. "Come in."

   "Okay, talk to me," he doesn't hesitate to sit down on the bed.

   "I'm just... tired," I realize that there is no point in talking to him about what's going on. Nothing will change. He left, mom doesn't care about anything I do, I have nobody back home. I'm just tired of it all.

   "Nah, I know you better than that. What's wrong?" I sit up, "you don't want us to talk about this. Trust me."

   "You're my sister, I'm sure I can handle whatever it is." I raise my eyebrow knowing that as soon I tell him, he is going to make it seem like no big deal. Taking a deep breath in I say it all, "I'm an 18-year-old virgin who hasn't even kissed anyone yet because nobody wants to touch a woman who doesn't know how to do anything or hasn't even been on a date." His eyes widen, "yep, can't have this conversation, sorry." I roll my eyes, I knew he wasn't going to actually talk about it. "Cole!" I hear him yell, "no, no no,-" before I can tell him no again, he is already at the doorway.

   "What's up?" He notices my puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

   "You wanna try talking to her?" I smack my forehead. "Sure, why not?" 

   Josh left the room as if he couldn't leave fast enough. "Okay, what's up?"

   "Nothing. It doesn't matter." My words make his face drop into an aggravated expression. "Spill. Now."

   I go over the whole thing again and he gets tense, I expect him to say something along the lines of how I'm ugly or a bitch or basically anything along those lines. But it never comes, "if you are in such a rush, then find someone to have a one-night stand with." As much as I hate to say this, I do. "Your right." My face lights up and I jump over and give him a hug that only lasts a second before I realize I was in his arms, "oh. Umm, sorry, I um-."

   "It's cool," he says and I smile getting out of bed. I grab my phone and start to call Noah. "Who are you calling?" I cover the microphone and mouth Noah's name to him and he grabs the phone out of my hand and hangs up. "What the hell man?"

   "What's going on?" My brother's voice calls out from downstairs. "Nothing, it's fine," I turn over to see Cole's blank expression. "Not him." Rolling my eyes, he steps closer so that he is less than a foot away from me, "you need to stop that princess." 

   "What? I didn't do anything and can you stop with the princess?" This man is making my insides melt every time he calls me that. I don't know why but a wave of heat spreads over my body and my heart is telling me to kiss him but my brain is disagreeing. He is looking down at me and for some reason, all I can think about is him kissing me. "Yo," I hear from the hallway and Cole takes a big step back, "what's going on?"

   "He figured it out!" Hopefully by the end of summer, I will not be a virgin. Fingers crossed. "Okay? Well, the storm is picking up but mom messaged me telling me to go check on the Frederick's so are you two good here?"

   I nod and Cole says yeah.