Havenfell

Chapter 29: Let It All Flood Out

(Content Warning: This chapter contains depictions of self-harm, intense emotional breakdowns, and references to death)

The air in the room was thick with tension, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavily on Felicity's shoulders. They sat among the broken remnants of their once-close group, the silence deafening as each person grappled with their own private anguish.

Felicity's mind felt detached, as if they were floating outside of their own body, observing the scene from a distance. The voices around them blurred into a cacophony of white noise, their thoughts spiralling into a vortex of darkness.

Without warning, Felicity bolted from their seat, pushing past the concerned faces and out of the room. They caught a glimpse of Juno's worried expression on the landing but couldn't bring themselves to meet their lover's gaze. The only thing that mattered in that moment was escaping, finding solace in the familiar embrace of pain.

Stumbling into the bathroom, Felicity slammed the door shut and slid to the floor, their body wracked with sobs. They clutched at their arms, their fingers digging into the fabric of their sleeves as if trying to claw their way out of their own skin. The urge to cut, to release the building pressure within, was overwhelming.

With trembling hands, Felicity rolled up their sleeves, exposing the canvas of scars that adorned their arms. They reached for the razor blade they kept hidden, the familiar sting of its edge against their flesh offering a twisted form of comfort.

The sound of the bathroom door slamming open jolted Felicity back to reality, and they looked up to see Juno standing there, her eyes wide with horror. "Felicity, no!" Juno cried, rushing forward and grabbing their arm, her fingers slick with blood.

Something snapped within Felicity, a dam of emotions bursting forth in a torrent of rage and anguish. They wrenched their arm from Juno's grasp, their voice rising to a piercing scream. "Why does no one ever tell me anything?" they shouted, their words laced with bitter resentment. "For the past year, no one has been there for me, not when I needed them the most."

Juno tried to interject, but Felicity barrelled on, their words tumbling out in a frantic rush. "Every time we lose someone, it chips away at me, piece by piece. I can feel myself slipping further and further away, and no one seems to care!"

Felicity's breath came in ragged gasps, their chest heaving with the weight of their outburst. Juno looked at them with a pained expression, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Felicity, I...I didn't know how to help. I saw you disassociating, but I was scared, and I didn't know what to do."

The admission hung in the air, and for a moment, Felicity's anger faltered, replaced by a flicker of understanding. But then, Juno's next words shattered whatever semblance of control Felicity had left.

"Pete and Bree...they're gone, Felicity. I'm so sorry."

The world seemed to tilt on its axis, and Felicity felt the ground give way beneath their feet. "No," they gasped, shaking their head vehemently. "No, you're lying. They can't be..."

But the truth was written plainly on Juno's face, and Felicity felt the weight of it crush them, stealing the very breath from their lungs. A primal scream tore from their throat, raw and anguished, as they dissolved into a fit of uncontrollable sobs and frantic movements.

Felicity's mind spiralled, their senses overwhelmed by the onslaught of grief and overwhelming stimuli. They clawed at their hair, their skin, desperate to escape the prison of their own body. Juno's voice faded into the background, lost in the chaos that consumed Felicity's every fibre.

Time seemed to blur and stretch, the world around them distorting into a kaleidoscope of colours and sounds. Felicity was vaguely aware of Juno's arms around them, of being rocked gently back and forth, but the comfort was fleeting, swallowed by the maelstrom of emotions that raged within.

As the storm of their breakdown finally began to subside, Felicity felt the world slowly come back into focus. They were curled on the bathroom floor, their body spent and their mind hazy, but the weight of their loss lingered like a dense fog.

Juno's voice, gentle and soothing, reached out to them through the haze. "I'm here, Felicity. I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this, together."

And in that moment, Felicity clung to those words like a lifeline, allowing themselves to be enveloped in Juno's embrace. They knew that the road ahead would be treacherous, that the scars of this day would run deep. But with Juno by their side, they found the strength to face the darkness, one step at a time.