Fear

21 • Shifting tides

I sat alone in my office, the confrontation replaying in my mind. Emily's kiss had been a shock, a jolt that had left me reeling. I couldn't shake the feeling of her lips on mine, the intensity of it.

Why does she affect me like this?
The question gnawed at me, refusing to be silenced. I poured myself a drink, hoping the burn of the whiskey would drown out my thoughts, but it was futile.

A knock on the door was a good distraction. James stepped in, his expression cautious.
"Boss, you wanted to see me?" he asked, closing the door behind him.

I nodded, gesturing for him to sit. "What do you know about Emily?"

James raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised by the question. "She's strong-willed, defiant. A survivor. Why do you ask?"

I hesitated, choosing my words carefully. "There's something about her. She's... different. I need to understand her. I need to know what drives her."

James studied me for a moment before nodding. "I'll see what I can find out. But you need to be careful. This is new ground, even for you."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I know, James. But I can't ignore this feeling. It's consuming me."

James looked thoughtful. "Maybe you should talk to her, try to understand her directly. Sometimes, the answers we seek aren't hidden, but right in front of us."

His words lingered in my mind long after he left. He was right.

---------------------

As he left, I leaned back in my chair, trying to piece together the broken puzzle of her in my mind. She was a wild card, unpredictable, yet there was something about her that I couldn't ignore.

I needed to see her again. I left my office and made my way to her room. But when I reached her door, I found it empty. Panic rose through me-where could she have gone?

I searched the corridors more frantically than I want to admit. Finally, I found her in the garden, sitting alone on a bench, staring into the distance. The sight of her there, so calm and serene, made my heart feel something in a way I hadn't expected.

"Emily," I called out, my voice softer than I intended.

She looked up, her expression surprised but not quite as guarded as I anticipated. "Ty," she replied. I never liked other people shortening my name like that, but the nickname rolled easily off her tongue, so I allowed it.

I walked over and sat beside her awkwardly, the silence stretching between us. I didn't know what to say, how to explain the storm inside me.

"I don't know what to say to you... but I'll try," I said, my body tense. I looked down at my shoes, trying to come up with what to say next.

She frowned, clearly wrestling with her own thoughts. She nervously picked at the skin of her thumb. "I don't know either."

We sat in silence, the air between us thick with unspoken words. I felt a pull towards her, an inexplicable need to be close, but the fear of what that meant kept me at bay.

"Emily," I started again, "I know you're angry. And you have every right to be. I stole you from the life you had and brought you here."

She turned to me, a scowl on her face.
"You didn't care about it then, though, did you? Isabel warned me. Sometimes I wonder if I should've listened to her."

"I know... and I'm sorry. But I need you to forgive me..."

She sat forward, tears welling up in her eyes.
"I don't know if I can do that."

Without thinking, I reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. The touch seemed to startle her, but she didn't pull away. Her eyes filled with unshed tears, and suddenly, she leaned into me, her head resting on my shoulder as she began to cry softly.

I stiffened, unsure how to react. The feel of her so close, so vulnerable, made my heart race. I felt a blush creep up my neck and abruptly stood up, pulling away. But instead of walking away, I stood there awkwardly, trying to calm my racing heart.

Emily sighed, wiping her eyes. "I know what you're afraid of. You have philophobia. You're afraid of love... But why?"

My eyes widened as I stared at her, the fear rising inside me again, but I managed to stop it getting too far by looking away.

I swallowed hard, the words catching in my throat. "It's... It's complicated."

She looked up at me, her eyes searching mine. "Complicated how?"

I took a step back. "Trauma."

She didn't flinch, just nodded, as if she had expected my response. "We all have our demons, Tyler. But you can't let them control you, you taught me that."

Her words struck a chord, a resonance I couldn't ignore. I sat back down, feeling the weight of my own defenses crumbling. "Emily, I... I've done things I'm not proud of. Things that haunt me. I thought keeping everyone at arm's length was the only way to survive. But now... I'm... not so sure."

She reached out, taking my hand in hers. I stared down at it uncomfortably. "Let me help you, then."

Her touch was warm, grounding me in a way I hadn't felt in a long time. I kept still, unmoving, but as comfortable as I could be.

It was terrifying, knowing the dynamic was changing. I didn't know where this thing between us would lead, but I knew one thing: I couldn't let her slip away.

-