Fear

32 • I love you

I lay in bed one night next to Tyler. He was quiet, as if something was on his mind. In fact, he'd been quiet for the last few days. He sighed and turned to me with a strange mix of fear and sincerity in his eyes. I raised an eyebrow.

"You okay?" I asked, trying to coax him out of his silence.
He said nothing and stared deep into my eyes, his expression unchanged. The intensity of his gaze made my heart race.

After a long silence, he inhaled a shaky breath, raised himself up on his elbows, then looked up at me, as if preparing himself to say something.

What he said next was unexpected and it left me staring at him in surprise.

"I... I love you," he said, his voice trembling slightly.

I didn't know what to say. I just blinked. There was another long silence before he asked me,

"Emily... how do you feel about me?" He genuinely sounded scared. He really caught me off guard.

"Ty... I..." I frowned and reached out my hand, gently running my fingers down his arm. The muscles beneath my touch were tense. He looked away and sighed heavily.

"Do you love Tom?" He looked down at his pillow and whispered it, a tone of jealousy in the way he asked. I firmly shook my head and said "No," but he didn't seem convinced.

"Ty, Tom is just my friend. How could you think that?" I said gently but slightly annoyed.

"Why do you like him so much?" He replied with another question, his voice a little higher.

There was no need for his jealousy. I thought he knew I loved him, and him only. Tom was just my friend.

"Because... he's my only friend in here, Ty. Haven't you noticed I don't have anyone else other than a couple of the staff? I care about Tom, yes, but you... I don't know."

I struggled to get the words out, because truthfully, I didn't really know what to say to him, and I was even more unsure if I liked him or loved him. I stayed quiet for a while, trying to come up with the right words. I didn't want to hurt him.

"I care about you," I finally admitted, "but I can't say I love you yet. I don't know if that's the right answer."

He kept his head down and nodded slowly, but he looked worse. I watched as he blinked hard, seemingly with tears welling up in his eyes. The sight of his tears broke something inside me.

I didn't say anything else. I could tell he was hurt by what I'd said, but I also knew my own mind. I couldn't lie to him because at this point I knew he'd believe me.

"What can I do to improve?" he asked suddenly, his voice a pained whisper.

"I... I don't know... I'll figure it out," I replied.

He lay back down, staring at the ceiling. "I want you to be happy," he murmured. "I don't wanna lose you..."

I turned to him, studying his face in the dim light. The pain in his eyes was something I hadn't seen before. It was like he was reliving his past... with Lucy.

"Ty," I said softly, "I know you care about me, and I care about you too. But love... love is complicated. It's not something that can be forced or rushed. I just need... a bit more time."

He nodded, biting his lip.
I reached out and took his hand, squeezing it gently. "We'll figure it out," I promised, hoping my words could provide some comfort.

He closed his eyes, a single tear slipping down his cheek. "Thanks," he whispered. "For being honest with me."

We lay there in silence for a while, just holding hands. As I drifted off to sleep, I felt Tyler's grip on my hand tighten, as if he was afraid to let go. I held on just as tightly, knowing that we both had a long way to go. But for now, we had each other, and that was enough.

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The next morning, I woke up to find him already out of bed. I could hear the faint sound of water running from the en-suite bathroom. I stretched, feeling the tension from the previous night still lingering.

I thought hard about our conversation the previous night, and the more I thought about it, the better I felt. I felt more composed, more confident. And my feelings for him... I don't know... maybe I'd lied to myself.

When he emerged from the shower, rubbing his damp hair with a towel and another wrapped tightly around his waist, he looked more composed himself... and hot.

I sat back and admired his muscles, glancing up at his face with a slight smirk. He noticed me staring and smiled.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said, his voice low and husky.

"Morning," I replied. "How are you feeling?"

He nodded slightly and straightened up, dropping the hair towel on the floor. "Better. I've been thinking about what you said last night."

I tilted my head. "Yeah?"

He walked over and sat on the bed next to me, gripping the edge of the mattress as he thought for a moment, biting his lip. "I want to do better. Not just for you, but for myself... and the patients. They deserve better. I have a lot to make up for."

He cupped my face and leaned in, placing a kiss on my forehead. His lips were soft and warm against my skin. The tenderness in his touch sent a shiver down my spine.

When he pulled away, we gazed at each other for a few moments. His deep, onyx eyes, so dark yet so soft. That was the man behind the mask.

"You're not the only one," I mumbled, "I've been thinking too..."

I leaned in, my lips barely an inch from his and whispered, "Maybe I'm lying to myself."

I kissed him. I don't know why, but it felt right. It was tender and it made my heart race. A blush crept up my neck and my face turned red, but I didn't pull away. He eagerly accepted it, our lips moving slowly but with an air of desperation. He held the back of my neck with his hand and pulled me closer, and I almost let out a sigh, but held it back.

Love... It's a funny word with a thousand different meanings, and maybe before then I didn't really know what it meant. But in that moment, I felt... different. It was like something clicked.

I pulled away from him, breathing heavily, and looked into his eyes. He smiled and chuckled slightly as I said,

"I... I do love you."

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