Fear

34 • Raven

With Tyler away on his business trip, the atmosphere in the institution felt different. The usual tension seemed to ease slightly, allowing me to take the opportunity to explore more freely and interact with people.

One particular morning, I woke up to find that I'd started my period. It was unusual because I hadn't had one in months, which I put down to the stress of being in the institution. Before my relationship with Tyler developed, I was terrified of him. I read once that the human body can postpone or stop having periods when under intense stress.

I sighed, realising I needed to find Raven for sanitary products. As much as I didn't like her, I had to swallow my pride. I ventured through the institution until I found her sat on a bench in the enclosed garden area, smoking a cigarette.

"Raven?" I began tentatively, "I... err... I need tampons."

"Ugh. You." She rolled her eyes and stood up, chucking the cigarette on the ground without a care.

"Come with me." She led me to her office down a short flight of stairs. The doorplate said: Raven Nasser - Office of Female Services.

I watched as she rummaged through a drawer of supplies and chucked a box at me.

"Listen, Raven. We need to talk."

Raven raised an eyebrow, a bored expression on her face. "Talk? What about?"

I hesitated, choosing my words carefully. "I want to be able to get along with everyone here. I don't think we got on at first, but I want to change that... if you're willing."

Raven rolled her eyes but seemed to soften slightly. "Why should I?" she said begrudgingly. "You're not like the rest of us, you're his little pet."

I stared at her in confusion, crossing my arms, a hint of annoyance crossing my face. "What's that got to do with it?"

"Everything. You come in here and immediately grab his attention, now you've got him wrapped around your little finger. The rest of us carry on suffering while you live your best life with him."
The aggression in her voice made me just as angry, but I kept my composure.

"Well I don't know, Raven, but it sounds like you're jealous."

"Fuck you."

I sighed heavily and resigned, but I decided to attempt once more to convince her.
"There's no need for this. It's unnecessary. Besides, Tyler's changing. He's got plans to improve the welfare of all the patients and staff. He doesn't want to be the cruel man he was before."

She glared at me, but something in her expression changed subtly. She shifted onto her other leg and put her hands on her hips, her eyes narrowing as she said,
"How am I supposed to believe that after what he did to me?"

I looked at her curiously.
"What did he do?"

"I had a fear of drowning... He strapped me to a chair and dropped me in a tank of ice cold water until I almost died, then brought me back up. That was my Act. It went on for three whole years."
She looked away, a pained and angry expression on her face. Her nostrils flared as she tried to calm herself down.

"That's horrible..." I said quietly. "No wonder you hate him."

"You think you know him, but you're far from it. Don't let your guard down. He'll hurt you when you least expect it," she warned.

The information made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It challenged what I thought I knew about him. I realised that the man I was falling for was deeper than I had imagined. Deeper than the ocean. He still had so many secrets, and that actually scared me.

I thanked her for telling me, and for the products I needed, and she gave me a short nod, but there was a change in her demeanour towards me for the better. I felt like we'd get along after all.

As I left, I felt a churning in my stomach. Not hunger - nerves. It made me nervous that I didn't know as much about him as I thought I did.

-