Fear

58 • Expecting

About six weeks later, one particular day, Emily woke up later than usual-almost noon on the bedside clock. I stirred from my sleep as I felt her shuffling out of the bed next to me. Through squinting eyes, I caught a glimpse of her face. She was pale and drawn as she rushed to the bathroom. Concern knotted my stomach as I got out of bed and hurried to check on her.

I found her doubled over the toilet, retching, her hair a tangled mess and her forehead glistening with sweat. Without a word, I knelt beside her, gently holding her hair away from her face and rubbing soothing circles on her back. She looked up at me, her eyes filled with a mixture of discomfort and gratitude.

"I'm sorry," she managed to whisper between heaves.

"Don't be," I murmured, trying to keep my voice steady despite the worry gnawing at me. "Just breathe, baby. I'm here."

After a few moments, she sat back on her heels, catching her breath, looking utterly exhausted.

I hesitated for a moment, then got up and went to the cabinet, my heart pounding in my chest. I grabbed the box I had hidden there, praying silently that today was the day we finally got an answer.

When I returned to her side, I held up the pregnancy test box. Emily stared at me, confusion, disbelief, and a hint of anger on her face.

"What? Were you planning this?" she asked, her voice raising. "How long have you had that?"

"Months," I replied quietly, sitting down next to her on the bathroom floor. She swallowed hard, then nodded.

Her hands trembling as she opened the box. "I'll go out, give you some privacy," I offered hesitantly, getting up to leave.

"No," she said firmly, her eyes locking onto mine. "Please... stay."

We sat in tense silence as she sat on the toilet and activated the test. The seconds ticked by like hours. I wanted to say something reassuring, to ease the anxiety in her eyes, but my throat felt tight.

She let out a shaky breath, placing it on the edge of the sink. I wrapped my arms around her, but she pushed me off.

"I don't remember when we last did it..." she whispered, staring at the ground.

"Well, we did it twice last week, the week before, three weeks ago... you could've conceived at any point," I said quietly, shrugging. She glared up at me, annoyance and disgust on her face.

"What?" I put my hands up in my defence. "I didn't plan this, if that's what you're thinking..." She huffed and crossed her arms.

"Anyway, I thought you'd be happy? You did say a while ago that you wanted to start a family, don't you remember?"

"I... I just wanted to be more prepared," she mumbled. I nodded, placing my hand reassuringly on her shoulder.

I glanced over at the sink, unable to see the result yet, so I stepped a bit closer.

My hand outstretched to pick it up, but as I got closer, I stopped dead in my tracks. My breath caught in my throat, my heart rate quickened, and I glanced back at Emily.

"What is it?" Her eyes were wide, waiting for me to say it, a mix of excitement and fear in her eyes.

I held it up in front of her, suddenly getting emotional.

Two red lines.

Positive.

I felt a rush of emotions surge through me - joy, excitement, fear, pride. Emily stood up slowly, tears rolling down her cheeks. I pulled her into my arms, holding her close.