Resolve: Fourth Wing Fan Fiction

Part 4 - Spice

I don't know what time it is when Xaden pulls away from me, letting a gust of cool air swirl between us from the still open window. The moon is no longer visible, blocked out by the early morning haze that's settled against the skyline
"You should probably get some rest", Xaden says letting his hands fall and taking a step back. A cold shiver runs through me, and I have to stop myself from reaching for him and wrapping his arms back around me.
"Isn't that what I've been doing since... how long have I been in bed"? I try to think back to the infirmary, but it feels like my whole sense of time has been scrambled since the brig.
"It's been 3 days, well this morning makes it day three", Xaden says turning to look at the purple-hued sky, the periwinkle slashes cutting through the dark of night like soft brushstrokes. I wrap my arms around myself and roll my shoulders. "I think I'm rested enough. I would really like to see Mira and Brennan. I can't remember the last time I talked to Andarna", a pang of guilt hits me in my chest. This is the first time I've thought of her and Tairn since waking up. I can feel them at the edge of my mind, a reassuring light that makes me feel a bit better.
"It's still early, but I'm sure I could get you a plate from the mess hall if you feel up to eating", Xaden says reaching for his jacket. All I really want is to spend as much time as possible, hidden away in this room with him, just a bit more time in our own reality, being this version of us that we hardly ever get to be. My stomach grumbles and makes the choice for me. I smile at him and nod.
"I could try to eat". With the whisper of his lips across my cheeks he kisses me before disappearing behind the closing door, and I'm left alone in his room.

I consider getting myself organized, trying to get dressed or bathing, but as much as I hate to admit it, I do still feel drained. My heart feels lighter after telling Xaden everything and letting myself feel everything, but I have that hollow, empty, numbness that comes after an emotional release. I shuffle to the desk and run my hand along the spines of a handful of books, skimming the titles, but not bothering to pick one. I do a short loop of the room before settling into the bed again folding my legs under me and pulling the blankets across my lap. I pile the pillows behind me and let myself sink into them closing my eyes and completely losing myself in the feeling of the plush mattress beneath me as the soft fabric brushes across my exposed thighs. It was only 5 days without basic comforts, but it was long enough to give me a new appreciation for the simplest luxuries, like a mattress and a blanket.

My hair is hanging loosely, not in its usual braid and it brushes down my shoulders and across my back as I let my head tilt back and bump gently against the wall. I sit like that, breathing in and out. The gentle smell of rain is drifting through the window bringing with it an even cooler breeze that has me pulling the blankets tighter around myself. My night shirt and cotton sleeping pants do little to protect me from the chill in the air and I can feel the fabric pulling tightly across my chest as my body reacts to the cold. Creaking as he presses past it, the door swings wide revealing Xaden, brandishing two small plates in his hands and glasses of something warm are balancing along the tendrils of his shadows. There's a handful of fruits, a small piece of cake and some sort of meat. He crosses the room in a few steps and gently places a plate in my lap. We pick at the food and talk about what's happened in the 2, almost 3 days I've been recuperating. He explains how they've distributed the new cadets, who will be teaching and helping us hone our signets as quickly as possible, where Mira has been, how Rhiannon, Ridoc, and Sawyer are doing. Once the plates are cleared and I feel like I have my bearings on what's happening, I let out a sigh.
"It's a lot". Xaden says resting his hand on my knee, his right thumb making small circles against the bare skin.
"It's too much", I agree letting the subtle buzz of anxiety settle in. I wasn't expecting leaving Basgiath to be easy, but I don't think I felt the gravity of it all until now. My shoulders suddenly feel heavy again like a small stone of worry has been added to each side with every new bit of information he tells me.
"I need to freshen up" I say, pushing Xaden's hand off my knee so I can scoot to the edge of the bed, letting my feet dangle before I step onto the cold, stone floor. Wordlessly, he walks to the armoire and pulls down a small bundle of my clothes with my dragon scale armor placed on top and a small satchel that rattles with the sound of my daggers. I follow him across the room to a bland, wooden door that's slightly inset to the wall, that leads to his private bathing chamber. He presses past it to the next room revealing a small tub against the far wall with a waterspout placed a few feet above. There are 3 small windows that line the westwardly facing wall letting the soft morning light creep down the panes as the sun rises behind us. The room is filled with purple light that casts shadows across Xaden as he leans over the edge of the tub and uses lesser magic to start the flow of water. I see steam start to fill the air and the windows are covered in fog almost instantly making the trees just outside blur and distort. I'm distracted watching the glass become opaque, when I feel the familiar shimmer of shadows come up behind me before Xaden's hands are hovering over my hips, just barely skimming the fabric of my nightshirt.
"I can leave you to bathe", his voice soft and warm, "I'll be waiting right outside the door". He moves to step away, but I reach my hand out behind me, wrapping my fingers around his forearm before he can take a full step.
"You can stay... I want you to stay".
"Of course," the words drift through my mind. I stay facing the window but hear each article of clothing drop behind me as he undresses and tosses his boots to the side. I slide the thin straps of my shirt off of each shoulder, but I leave it hanging off my chest, keeping me mostly covered, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. I turn and am met with the sight of Xaden wearing only his underwear. I let myself stare at him and drop my eyes lazily from his beautiful black hair that curls ever so slightly at the tops of his ears and the nape of his neck, to his sharp cheekbones that accentuate his dark eyes, his harsh jawline that I love to kiss then the curve of his muscular shoulders and arms, reaching into the tub. I step closer so I can reach him and let my fingers trace along his ribs, down to his waist where I gently tug on his waist band before dragging my hand across his lower back and down his opposite thigh.
"Tease", he says when I let the band of his underwear snap back against his skin. I walk around to his other side, leaning forward so I can test the temperature of the bath myself, eliciting a shiver as my fingers dip into the hot water. I can hardly wait to step in.