Resolve: Fourth Wing Fan Fiction

Part 5

I've been well enough to join the others in classes the last couple of days, but Brennan has vetoed any flight lessons until after he sees me, to make sure there aren't any lingering injuries that he missed. I'm on my way to him as I pass Dain in the hall. We've been... pleasant with each other, but I can't stop the ache that drums deep in my chest when I look at him. I know now that he didn't steal my memories of Xaden and Athebyne on purpose and I believe him when he says he had no idea that Colonel Aetos was sending us to our deaths, but I can't look at Dain, without a vision so clear of Liam's sky-blue eyes cutting across my mind. It's been really hard being around him so much lately. There are moments where my heart reaches for old my best friend and I want nothing more than to forgive and forget, to hug him like we did when we were kids and just be us again. But part of my mind refuses to let go and refuses to forgive for the actions that, purposefully or not, led to Soleil and Liam's deaths.

He smiles at me as we pass, but I can't bring myself to return it. I settle for a half-committal wave and sense the droop of his shoulders as he slips out of view. I am paying no attention as I drift down the halls, corner after corner, until I reach the assembly chamber, where Brennan asked that I find him after his meeting. The door is slightly ajar and the sound of a bitter voice cuts through the bustle of the busy halls enough that my curiosity leads me the rest of the way to lean against the stone wall, just out of view of those sitting at the table.
"Are we seriously having this discussion again", Brennan is making no effort to mask the annoyance in his voice.
"I say we take a vote", a male voice says.
"Yes. A vote. This could impact all of us, all of Aretia and leaving that choice up to one person and one person only would be foolish", a woman answers.
"NO!", Xaden's voice booms into the hall and I stifle a gasp, not only at his tone, but I was expecting him to be gone until the evening. I didn't even know he was here. My shields have been firmly in place since last night as one of my newest exercises in control with Felix. We've been working on the slow, controlled release of power and he insisted it must start with my shielding. I don't let them fall because the last thing I need right now is for Xaden to know I'm hiding in the hallway eavesdropping on his conversations.
"We need to know what she told them", the same woman spits back.
A sinking feeling drops like a weight in my stomach, and I know the 'she' they are referring to is me.
"It's a complete violation of her privacy and not only that, a violation of her dragons'. Of all of our dragons'", Brennan says, this time using a much more diplomatic tone, seeming to have shifted into a calmer approach.
"All in favour raise your right hand", the woman commands, but her voice has softened slightly, lacking the acid of her earlier outburst.
"The assembly has voted, Violet Sorrengail will be brought in for questioning", the man from earlier says.

My heart hits the floor and I have to push myself against the stone wall to keep the world from spinning. Bile rises in my throat as panic claws at my chest - tightening my rib cage and making my breathing come in short, quick gasps. I press my body harder against the wall trying to focus on the rough edges of the rock against the back of my head and digging into the palms of my hands.
"Silver One?"
Tairn's voice jostles me out of my tailspin, and I slam my shields back down. Almost all rational thought has purged my mind, and it takes every ounce of concentration I can muster to push myself off of the wall and stagger down the hall toward the flight field. I need to get away from the assembly, from whoever wants to question me for whatever reason, I need to get out of these walls, I need to breath.
I keep one hand braced against the stones as I rush past curious glances and some outright gawking. I don't give any of them a second thought. I. Have. To. Get. Out. The pounding of my heart in my ears is deafening and I don't hear Rhiannon's footsteps as she skids to a halt then runs up beside me, I don't hear the words Sawyer is saying or Ridoc as he grasps my elbow trying to get me to stop. My vision is tunneling, I'm so close to the door, I just need a couple more steps and I'll be able to breath. I shake Ridoc off and burst through the final door to the gravel path that leads up to the flight field where I begin dry heaving curling over to brace my hands on my knees.
"What's going on Violet?" Rhiannon asks her voice tight with worry.
"I", I suck in a clipped breath, "need", another breath in, "space", I choke out the last word.
"Ridoc, Sawyer, go grab her bag, we'll meet you at bottom of the stairs just past the lower field".
"On it", I'm not sure which one of them answers, I still can't look up, my breathing is erratic, nausea is rolling through me, and I can barely feel Rhiannon's hand on my back through the tingling current of anxiety that's stinging my skin.
She tugs on my elbow and this time I don't fight it, I let her guide me up the gravel path, across the empty flight field, heading towards the narrow stone steps that lead down to a much smaller, lower field that's usually used for informal hand-to-hand drills among squad members. With each step we get further and further from Riorson House and inch by painfully slow inch I feel my chest lightening, oxygen isn't fighting to fill my lungs anymore and the nausea is subsiding. By the time we make it to the end of the field, Ridoc and Sawyer have caught up to us, their brows pinched with concern, but they keep their mouths shut waiting for me to say something. Ridoc shakes my bag from his shoulder as I reach for it, before letting it fall to the ground to sift through the contents until I feel the familiar, warm hum of the conduit. I grasp it firmly with both hands and close my eyes, focusing on my breathing just as light blue tendrils appear under my fingertips, where they're pressed against the glass. I give myself 10 deep breaths before I let out a ragged sigh and finally look at Rhiannon.
"You going to tell us what's going on", she asks her arms crossed in front of her, while Ridoc and Sawyer stand on either side of her.
"They're going to question me about Varrish". It comes out much more pitifully than I'd intended, but I don't care. My squad mates don't see me as weak, different sure, but they've never done or said anything to make me feel lesser than – even with my physical shortcomings.
"Question you how", Sawyer asks, one eyebrow raising. "Question you about Varrish...like Varrish?" The thought is enough to send me reeling back as if he'd shoved me and Rhiannon catches me under my bicep before my knees take me to the ground.
"Shit Violet, I didn't mean that I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Of course they won't, they're not like that here", Sawyer is tripping over his words as they rush out and I feel sorry for him as his cheeks turn a bright red and Ridoc slaps a hand against the back of his head.
"No – it's fine. I know", I blow a breath, "I know what you mean". I can't stop my hands from shaking. I can feel Tairn's presence pressing against my archives' doors like he's trying to smash them down with a battering ram, but I force myself to hold steady and keep him out. I don't even risk telling him to go worry about something else, because I know that I can't hide the overwhelming sense of dread that's taken over every nerve in my body.
"Do you think they'll just have Dain take your memories," Ridoc asks.
"You think the assembly is going to trust Dain's word on it," Sawyer asks earning a glower from Rhiannon and swift elbow from Ridoc, to his lower abdomen as he says through clenched teeth,
"You're not allowed to talk for the rest of the day".
"No, Sawyer is right. They probably wouldn't trust Dain's word on it. I don't know all of the assembly members' signets, maybe one of them is like Nora and will be able to tell if I'm lying or not", I say almost hopefully. At least if one of them could know for certain I was telling the truth, surely it could be as simple as sitting across from me at a table and asking me what they needed to know. But... Brennan had said something about it being invasive. My stomach flips as an onslaught of imaginative ways to glean information invasively flashes in my mind.
"Your eyes are as big as tea saucers Violet", Rhiannon's hand is still wrapped tightly around my upper arm. I hadn't realized I was leaning on her until now. I plant both feet firmly on the grass before taking a small step away from my friend's side, to look at her.
"I don't want to go back in there", I tell her honestly. I've never ran from my problems. I've pushed them aside, saved them for a later date, but in this moment, I want to run. I want to be as far away from my problems as I can possibly get. Her lips twitch in a smirk then she eyes each one of us before saying,
"It is a weekend technically. Classes are done for the day, and we don't have another drill until tomorrow afternoon," she raises her eyebrows.
"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting Squad Leader Matthias," Ridoc asks, returning her smile with a mischievous one of his own.
"I think we could all forget our problems for a while. And I know of an elixir that makes the forgetting part easy", her eyes shine. "My sister did recently tell me she's been dying to have guests". Even Sawyer has lifted his head from where he'd been staring at his boots and beams at us.
"What do you say Violet. Want to forget your problems for a while?"
I can't help myself, I smile back at them, "Absolutely".