Magic Shop

Batch 1, Entry 5 (My Serene Lavender)

DO NOT READ THIS REVIEW IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE STORY AS IT WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!

Before I get started with my overall feedback on your story, let me first thank you for applying! I appreciate you giving me a chance to try and help. I hope you are able to find some valuable insight in this feedback!

Please keep in mind that what you are about to read is just my opinion and you don't have to agree with it. They are merely suggestions.

I will break my overall feedback up into three distinct sections: what works, what might need some tweaking/clarifying, and my overall thoughts.

What Works

- Description: This is the second time that I've read your book, and I just have to say that I'm in awe at how I was immediately immersed in the world that you created. Descriptions like, "The sky was daubed with warm tones of tangy orange, a soft hue of purple, and a cherry blossom pink" from chapter 1 deserve a chef's kiss. Writers paint scenes with their words and this is exactly what you did here. That is a really hard thing to do. It's honestly something that I still struggle with myself, so my hat goes off to you here. Color me impressed.

- Character Development: Just like vivid descriptions, real and authentic feeling characters are also something that is hard to accomplish. I felt that you successfully crafted not only your main characters Jung Soo Ah, Yoongi, and Jung Hoseok, but I also thought you gave your secondary characters depth. Even though we only see them here and there, I feel like her grandparents are also given depth that make us like them just as much as the main characters.

What May Need Tweaking/Clarifying

- Pace: While reading your story, I felt as if things were moving along at quite a rapid pace. It seemed like time was flying as we transitioned back and forth between Jung Soo Ah's POV and Yoongi's. To me, it almost had the pace of a short story. Is that your intended goal with this story? If so, that is perfectly fine. I just ask because I couldn't find anywhere in your description where you mentioned this is the case. If it's not meant to be a short story, I would suggest slowing down the pace of your story somehow by perhaps incorporating more details about their pasts so that some things brought up aren't as jarring. (I will go into more detail about that in the next segment).

- Odd Placement of Details: This is just a minor thing that seemed a bit odd to me in the story. In chapter 4, Jung Soo Ah got intoxicated and told Yoongi about her ex and how he had hurt her. Unless I missed it, she hadn't mentioned an ex before and so the sudden appearance of this revelation seemed quite sudden and abrupt. If you end up slowing the pace of the story down, I would suggest possibly incorporating this detail about her ex earlier in the story for the readers through Jung Soo Ah's POV. That way it's not as jarring for the readers when they come across it.

Overall Thoughts

I am really in love with your story. I know that may sound short and simple, but it's the truth. I am over here anxiously waiting for the next update (and I am still waiting for Jung Soo Ah and Yoongi to kiss, gosh darn it)! Keep up the impressive work!

I'm still new to all this, so I hope that the feedback I gave you will help you as you continue writing and eventually complete your story. If you have any questions or concerns about anything I said, please feel free to either leave it in a comment on this chapter or reach out to me in some way or form.

Have a great day and thank you again for choosing the Magic Shop! 💜