The Part Off-Camera (Among Us Logic One-shots)

Iced Tea is Superior (Whole Crew)

I looked through my Google Docs and found this WIP-- honestly, it's still kinda funny, so I wanted to post it while I work on real stuff. Enjoy.

***

DEAD BODY REPORTED

"Alright gang," Captain greeted the crew triumphantly— he did everything triumphantly— and took a seat on the bench at the Emergency Meeting cafeteria table. "Where was everyone?" 

Player was the first to offer his whereabouts. "I was on the cameras."

Captain grinned and pointed at him. "Brilliant, Player!! Excellent strategy! See anything?" 

"Just Mr. Egg passing through that hallway connected to Weapons." 

"On my way to Communications," Mr. Egg quickly explained, and no one bothered to press him further on that because no one ever lies about going to Communications. The Communications room is such a forgettable room that everyone forgets it exists in the first place. 

"All right, I believe you. Stoner?" 

"Uhh, the room that's like, under the cafeteria," Stoner sighed, shifting a bit in his seat, "storage, I think. Maybe admin, I dunno." 

"Okie dokie! That's not suspicious at all!" Captain decided and moved to the next crewmate sat next to Stoner at the table. "Mr. Cheese!"

Mr. Cheese replied with his cheerful, innocent act, despite that fact that everyone knew it was an act at this point. "Gentleman and I were in O2, just doin' tasks together! Like good crewmates!"

Captain saluted. "And we thank you both for your service! Veteran?"

"Reactor. I was doing that numbers task and I got interrupted by this meeting. So now I gotta go start it all over again once we vote someone out." Veteran was immediately cleared of suspicion because of how authentically irritated he sounded about being cut off mid-task. 

"Ah, sorry, Veteran, but this matter is a serious one. Engi— heeeey, wait!" Captain pointed an accusatory finger across the table. "I just realized The Gentleman isn't talking!" The Gentleman, who sat silently in his seat at the meeting table, shook his head a little in response to the accusation but remained quiet. "Now that's suspicious!" 

"I agree with Captain! I'm voting for The Gentleman," said Player suspiciously quickly and cast his vote.

"Whoa, wait, guys, since when does Player agree with Captain on stuff?" Mr. Cheese cast his vote for Player just as quickly. 

"Since when does The Gentleman not talk?" Player crossed his arms with the smugness of someone who clearly thought he'd just made a gotcha! statement. 

"Hey, Player's right, he's always got something to say," Veteran added, leaning over the table and narrowing his eyes. "Usually in British."

"British isn't a language--" Mr. Egg began but was drowned out by Mr. Cheese, who raised his voice as he stood up from his seat on the bench. 

"He can't talk guys! He swallowed his tea in one gulp and burned his whole throat."

Player snorted, but noticed The Gentleman's murderous glare and quickly covered it up with a fake sneeze. "Man, that was one weird sneeze I just did, am I right?" The Gentleman– and the rest of the crew, for that matter– was not convinced.

"This is not amusing in the slightest," The Gentleman rasped, and immediately his hand flew to his throat and his face twisted into a grimace. Mr. Egg winced empathetically.

"AHA! He can talk!" Captain placed both palms flat on the table and hoisted himself out of his chair triumphantly. "I heard him just now!!"

"I am capable," The Gentleman whispered, but even talking quietly didn't seem to affect how much it hurt to talk in the first place. "Although it causes quite an unpleasant sensation." It seemed despite his fried vocal cords, he still insisted on speaking with his signature affinity for overcomplicated phrases. 

"Man, that sucks, Gentledude." Veteran allowed him a moment of sympathy, and then he shrugged. "But you're still sus." Another vote was cast for The Gentleman.

"Okay... dude, why were you swallowing all of your hot tea at once??" Stoner asked, sitting up a little from his reclined position in his chair. "It's kinda, like, your own fault." He exhaled, and his visor fogged up slightly-- no one could ever tell if it was from his breath or if he was actually smoking something.

"Maybe he was... particularly thirsty!" Mr. Egg reasoned, but Stoner did have a point.

Stoner shrugged. "Just sayin', man... should've waited for it to cool off."

"But that has nothing to do with this game! We have no evidence that he killed anybody," Mr. Egg said, and The Gentleman nodded at him with an extremely grateful expression on his face.

Veteran hummed in acknowledgment of Mr. Egg's defense. "That's true. Did anyone actually see him anywhere near PoopyFarts' dead body?"

Captain let out a little melodramatic gasp. "Wait, PoopyFarts died?! I thought we were talking about who killed Mother!"

Everyone's voices began to overlap at once. 

Mr. Cheese's was the loudest, raised in frustration, "No, he was on the other side of the map! That's what I've been trying to tell you idiots this entire time!" 

"But was he near Mother's dead body?"

"Mother died?" 

"Mother died in electrical, PoopyFarts died in Reactor."

"The Gent was in O2! I saw him there."

"So he's innocent?"

A long pause fell over the table. Everyone turned to look at The Gentleman, who sat politely in his seat with his hands folded on the table and stared back at all of them expectantly. 

"I mean, I guess," Gnome scoffed, "but if he was innocent he should have said so!"

Engineer turned to his girlfriend and gently reminded her, "He burned his throat and can't talk, remember, babe?"

Captain shot up from his seat again. "He can talk, I heard him!" 

"He can talk, but doesn't want to."

"Why doesn't he want to?"

"He does want to!!" Mr. Cheese cut in.

"Why doesn't he?"

"He burned his throat." 

"Okay, so his throat hurts, but he can talk."

"Ahem, that's a slight technicality that still doesn't affect the overall claim that he is temporarily mute." The crew once again went silent— and this silence lasted slightly longer this time as the group took the time to comprehend what Engineer had said. 

Veteran was the first to give up and change the subject. "How badly did he burn his throat, anyway?"

"Bad enough for it to be Medbay-worthy, probably. Did you hear him talk? Sounded pretty bad."

"Jesus dude, how hot was your tea?"

"Very hot, obviously..."

"This is why iced tea is superior."

"So... who are we voting out?"

That question prompted the third extended silence in the past five minutes, and the longest one yet.

The Gentleman finally spoke again. "...Player?"

"Player," the rest replied unanimously.

"Hey, that's not fair!! You don't have any evidence!!"

"All in favor of throwing Player into the cold, dark abyss of space say aye!!"

Player was an Impostor

0 Imposters remain